Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Boys Will Be Boys?

It's Saturday night. I'm 17. I'm heading to a party for the first time. My dad tells me to be careful who I'm talking to, not to go wandering off on my own, to always keep my finger over my bottle of drink and to ring him straight away if I have any problems. Yeah yeah, Dad, whatever! As if anything is going to happen. Of course I'm more concerned about the excitement of my new outfit, getting all dressed up and seeing my friends. I just can't wait to grow up!

It's Saturday night. I'm 18. I'm feeling invincible because I made it through the nightclub doors with my own I.D for the first time. The dance floor is filled with masses of people and I've lost my friends. I try my best to look around for some familiar faces before making my way through the crowds towards the smoking area. Amongst the crowd is a man no older than 26, he is with his friends, just like I was a few minutes previous. As I begin to stroll past him I catch his eye and he turns to watch me. He begins to leave his friends and make his way towards me. He is now by himself, just like I am. I ignore him and walk around him. As frightened as I was of his persistent gaze, I thought I had made it out ok, but that was before I felt a tugging at my dress and the touch of a man's hand moving up my thigh. I desperately tried to scramble away through the crowd, but I was stuck. I was stuck between the blaring of music, people laughing and sipping away at drinks and the hand that was now resting on a place that no one should be allowed to touch without my consent.

Little did I think when I was heading out that night that anyone could or would be putting their hand up my dress, but he did. I got into a panic and pushed the hand away, moving away as quickly as I could without even looking at him again, ready to burst into tears. I guess my dad wasn't being over dramatic after all.

Where is this man now? How many other girls were pushed to the point of tears? How many other girls have since blamed the length of their dress for this mans actions because they were embarrassed, ashamed or just completely confused and terrified? How many pieces of material have been punished for the actions of a cowardly excuse for a man?

It's Saturday night. I'm 19. I'm lying in bed beside a boy, completely fascinated by his presence, a presence that I had previously longed for. However, I suddenly feel nervous, unsettled and sick. I don't want this to go any further than cuddling. I tell him this - 'Sorry, I'm not really in the mood' I say as he starts moving his hands over my body. 'Why not?' he asked as he rolled his eyes. 'Just not in the mood,' I timidly replied. 'Ok, fine , we don't have to do anything,' he says sharply as he sighs dramatically and turns away from me in a sulk.

I stare at the ceiling and wonder if I'm the one in the wrong. I hope he won't still be angry about it in the morning. I feel bad now. Have I ruined my chances?

It's Saturday night. I'm 20. I'm having a great night and socialising in the smoking area. A boy I know comes up to me. As we begin chatting he lifts his finger to his lips. 'Shhh' he whispers, smiling, as he leans in towards me. I back away from him and walk back towards my friends. However, he follows. That's what girls love, right? A man who is persistent? Of course walking away means we want it, right? Treat them mean, keep them keen? Wrong. He lifts his finger to his lips again trying to make me be quiet before I even have a chance to speak - '1, 2,-' Before I had the chance to find out what was going to happen at number 3, I shout 'Leave me alone!' By this stage a lot of people in the smoking area can see what is going on, but do they speak up? Is my voice heard through the situation? No, because this always happens. It's normal and not a big deal, right? Wrong again.

Amongst a crowd of hundreds of people chatting, drinking and smoking I am left alone to get rid of this man who thinks it is okay to try to lure me into kissing him when it is very clear that I don't want to. He eventually gives up and walks away laughing because of how worked up I got. I mean, it was really funny watching a young woman trying to prevent a young man from kissing her, right? I can't really stand up for myself and expect to be taken seriously, can I? I think we all, or at least should know the answer to that.

It's Saturday night. I'm almost 21. I kiss a boy, I did want to though and so did he. I see him again later on the dance floor. We chat and then kiss again, but this time is different. This time, surrounded by blaring music and our drunken friends, I feel his hand creeping up my skirt, beginning to expose my body to his wandering hands and to the drunken crowd surrounding us. This time I was no longer feeling happy about our contact and pulled myself away from him, a struggle at first to escape his masculine grip. I was subtly dancing back towards my girlfriends, making them surround me to prevent him from getting too close to me.

Why did I feel the need to be subtle? To avoid hurting his feelings? What was subtle about the way he so carelessly and thoughtlessly began to explore my body?

It's Saturday night, 14 years from now. I'm 34. My husband was reading my daughter and son a bedtime story before putting them to bed. I walk in to see that he has fallen asleep beside them. In this moment of tranquility I stare at him and think for a moment. To myself and my children, my husband is a hero in our story, but how does his character appear in the past chapters of other women's lives?

I wonder where all these boys I encountered whilst growing up are now. Is he the man beside you? Is he teaching his sons about consent whilst beside a woman who is feeling completely secure in his arms? Or has nothing changed?

It is time that the world knows that boys won't be boys. Boys will be whatever they see and are educated about growing up. In order for our sons to believe in the the safety of our women's future, we need our friends, fathers, teachers - all men, to believe in the safety of our women's present. Men are definitely not all the same, but we do need them to think the same way about this issue.

Monday, 5 December 2016

Christmas 2016 - A Lot Of Single And A Lot Of Pringles!

For 11 months of the year, being single is kind of alright. I mean thankfully during the summer there's no idiot trying to chuck you into the water when you go to the beach. Seriously mate, watch my hair. You don't have to think of a creative couples Halloween costume OR share your Easter eggs with anyone while watching a movie. And while these 11 months are all well and good, I usually spend them looking forward to the 12th month of the year until it comes around and hits me as hard as Santa coming down the chimney. After many failed attempts at finding the man of my dreams I have come to terms with the fact that turning 21 in January as a single gal will be just fine as long as I don't have all my fuckboys standing too close together in one room if I have a party... let's keep that tequila flowing, people! I'm joking, obviously. I hope. Let me recheck my invite list...

Maybe Christmas in a relationship is overrated. I spend every year acting like Mariah Carey but I'm sure if I was actually in a relationship over Christmas it would turn into a Fairytale (or, er, not so fairytale) Of New York situation very quickly. I mean the good thing about facing Christmas as you and only you is that you can wear mistletoe as freely as you wish and your kiss on New Years could be the man you've lusted over for the past 6 months or some random fella you will live to regret in the morning. You also have the thrill of the 12 pubs of Christmas... will I need to avoid my ex-boyfriend in pub six? Will I get the shift in pub 8? Is my Prince Charming waiting for me in pub two? Will I even make it to pub two?! The negatives of course are shopping as a third wheel, keeping yourself warm, drinking romantic Christmas coffees alone and dodging the phone ringing Christmas Day incase any family member starts asking if you're still single. Yes Mary, nothing to report other than my excessive alcohol consumption and weight gain.

Thinking about it, why do I want to be in a relationship over Christmas? Is it only so that I can put it on Instagram? Do you all want to see my cute presents and picture of us Christmas shopping? Food baby or real baby, hmmm? Should I tell you how long it actually took us to get that cute picture after spending the past hour with me dragging him around Penneys and choosing a nice filter for my Starbucks picture? In reality, maybe drinking mulled wine in my pyjamas with my mum won't be so bad and maybe I should stop waiting for the perfect man to land under the Christmas tree or mistletoe because all the 'ideal' ones we are seeing could be coated in a Christmas wrapping and the illusion is a lot better than the reality. OR, maybe I'm just bloody bitter about the whole thing?! Sounds about right to be honest. Somebody pass me the mince pies! 

Oh and Santa, just to keep in mind for next year... Funny, handsome, billionaire, doesn't like other girls selfies. You know, the man I ask for Every. Single. Year. EVERY YEAR. Please take note this time, mate and safe travels!

Tuesday, 15 November 2016

The Making And Breaking Of A Heart

No matter the levels of bitterness, the amount of grudges that are being held and the complete regret about some of the things you did leading up to this point... at some point in every woman's life someone else will have the power to split her heart in half, leaving it frail and empty for a very long time.

I'm not writing this because I've recently experienced heartbreak, I haven't. Thankfully, it's been quite some time since I've stared at my bedroom ceiling overthinking every moment up to this point and then filling my weekends with too many shots, rash decisions, drunken texts and the inevitable Sunday morning fear. The reason I am writing about heartbreak today is because I wanted a topic that every woman reading could relate to. Whether this blog brings you back to a year ago, 10 years ago, pulls at your heart strings right now as you eagerly wait for a text from him, or even if it just prepares you for the future, there is nothing quite like real heartbreak and I hope this post awakens a part of all of you that, just like myself, may have been left dormant for some time.

If you aren't sure whether you have had your heart broken before, chances are you haven't. If the word itself doesn't send memories and his face swirling around in your mind then you have luckily escaped the curse up to this point. I call it a curse, but it is also a blessing to know that your heart is capable of feeling that much. Heartbreak isn't only noticeable in your own heart, you know which men came and left your girlfriends and took pieces with them. You see the way one person has changed her and no matter how many teary sleepovers and 'nah never liked him anyway' comments you make, there will always be a soft spot in her heart dedicated to him even if you want him to remove himself from her life and take residence on the moon.

Heartbreak isn't checking up on him every two minutes, heartbreak is removing any traces of him from your life because it hurts too much. It's blocking him on Facebook, but asking him for answers face to face at 1.30am on a messy Saturday night. It's banning your friends from updating you about his life because you don't want to know if he went to the zoo last weekend, or if he's got a new girlfriend or if he's coping just fine without you. You don't want to hear about current him, you like seeing the old him - the pictures you kept on your phone, the messages he sent you, something random that is hidden in a box under your bed that brings you back to one ordinary day spent with him that will stay with you forever. You go over all of this whilst blaring the Top 100 Lovesongs of the 80's and then every album Taylor Swift has ever released. You go from the feeling of Little Mix's Love Me Or Leave Me to Shout Out To My Ex within a matter of minutes and the most important thing about all of that is, that's okay. Eventually, Shout Out To My Ex will be a permanent feeling rather than a temporary one.

And as awful as heartbreak is, it really does make you stronger because no matter how many romantic hurdles or minor dating dilemmas you face in the future, it will never quite compare to that one time you wasted a week of your life being a part of your duvet, losing your appetite, questioning your self worth and bursting into tears at any random time while doing any random thing like pouring yourself a glass of orange juice.

I'm not going to tell you you ever really heal because I don't know that for sure. Your stomach will still do flips when you see him across the street and you will still say 'Ugh, I hate that guy' at least once every six weeks even though you don't really hate him.

However, eventually you will take a good hard look at that blubbering mess from the outside and give yourself a good slap as you are surrounded by millions of people and millions of places and realise life is too short to be wasted crying over the same person over and over again. Lets face it, nobody wants to lie on the chest of a person who's heart is beating for somebody else. Of course, some songs will still bring you back to a time with him, you may never fully get closure because he doesn't want to give it to you and you may cringe thinking back to the last thing you said to him in a vodka fueled state while telling him everything you've ever felt about him and how much he meant to you. Should we really regret the things we said though? I guess not, because drunken or sober, chances are you meant every word of it because your heart was finally pushed to breaking point. You need to give yourself the power of closure and don't leave it in his hands because after everything you've been through together, no matter how much you loved him or how perfect he seems to your biased heart, maybe you didn't lose him, maybe he lost you.

Oh, and on a quick side note, if you haven't experienced any of this yet, it's only a matter of time before your heart starts acting like a complete and utter intoxicated idiot and ignoring every message your head sends down. I wish you the best of luck!

Monday, 14 November 2016

The Things Disney Never Prepared Us For

Most of us grew up watching and waiting for that perfect man, a pair of glass slippers, some talking animals and fairy godmothers to give us guidance. Yep, I'm still waiting. However, it is clear to me now at 20 years of age that there are many things Disney did not prepare us for..

1. You can't change the beast
Sure, you can try, but so far I've met plenty of Gastons and plenty of Beasts who could use a little editing. Why don't you text back? Why are you so mean? Why do you go so weird for three weeks straight then appear again? This resulted in f***boy failure and was a complete and utter waste of time. Obviously if he has a castle though, do give it a go.

2. You're not getting the shoe back
Remember that fab pair of Penneys heels you wore out the other night before you lost one of them after four rounds of tequila shots? Yep, keep them in your memory because you're never going to see them again. Even if that guy you shifted has your shoe, do you really think he is going to be brave enough to contact you first? You have more of a chance of being contacted by your ex-boyfriend... or the spirit realm. Harsh, yet true.

3. Mother actually does know best
They may not mean it in Tangled, but honestly, she does. I know Flynn Rider was actually a great guy but in general if your mum says a guy is bad news, it's only a matter of time before you realise she's right.

4. The Evil Queen is more realistic than Snow White
If there's a handsome prince in town and you hear that some girl down the road is being called the fairest of them all (she's also popular with like seven friends while you only have a mirror to chat to, just sayin') then chances are all that crazy will go to your head so poison apples and a massive castle to plan and plot in will suddenly make sense. Note to self: Boys can drive you crazy so you must invest in a long cape that dramatically flows behind you as you strut around in a crown to remind yourself who you really are.

5. Sleeping your life away isn't the answer
It turns out a handsome prince doesn't just turn up and decide he loves you while you're having a lie in after a night of heavy drinking, you actually have to get out there and find him. Pretty grim, right? Time to download Tinder again, lads.

Thursday, 10 November 2016

Donald, Could I Have A Word With You?

Dear Mr Trump,

You don't know me personally, thank god. In fact, I don't even live in America, nor have I ever been there. And to be honest, by the sounds of things, with you in power, I doubt I'll get to visit anytime in the next four years.

Given the figures in your bank account, it is no surprise that you want to make your opinion seem gold plated. You see no wrong in what you are saying, probably because it isn't directly affecting you or your own lavish lifestyle. However, unlike your numerous buildings and apartments, there is nothing truly gold about your views. As a young woman who is dying to make a positive impact on the world with my hopes and dreams I can only hope your daughters and wife also see this. I hope they feel sick to their stomach as they hear how little respect you have for women and I hope Hillary Clinton was actually the chosen one on their ballot paper. I mean, we don't tell our dad everything, right?

I hope your sons won't carry on your legacy in the future with the same views and attitude that you have, and maybe one day the name 'Trump' won't send millions of people into one giant eye roll. Sadly, you aren't just planning on building one wall, you are building many. You are preventing people of different gender, race and religion from being free. The world may have split into different continents over time, but there is only water between us, not concrete. We all have the right and desire to travel, whether it be for enjoyment, to expand our minds or because we have to run far away from the destruction and unsafety of our own country. You cannot kick everybody out or stop people from coming in because you don't like them. You are the perfect example that you only need one bad one in a group to ruin things for everybody. If America is so great, shouldn't everybody be allowed to indulge in this? Isn't your own wife originally from another country and hasn't Trump been written across private jets that have flown you in and out of other countries?

Chances are you won't care about this post, because all I am to you is an 'eating machine', an object that is expected to be falling at your feet and a 'young and beautiful piece of ass' who you would so lightly decide that you can 'grab her by the p***y.'

Well Mr Trump, unfortunately, I have news for you. Yes, I am a beautiful woman, but no, you can't grab any part of me - whether it be my body or my mind. Women have fought too hard for equality to have someone as empty, narcissistic and selfish as you in power, Muslims have already faced enough backlash and criticism by the people unfortunate enough to share your personality traits, people have overcome walls much bigger than the ones you want to build, and people with disabilities have already shown enough bravery and strength to get them through the next four years. 

I believe that someday (although I hope I am wrong) many people in America are going to wake up and laugh nervously at their foolish decisions as they watch their beloved home get sent into a state of despair by your actions.

Although, saying that, walls will be built, but they will be built from the holding of millions of hands that won't let a man with more money than sense make an entire nation take backwards steps into mass destruction. 

Yours faithfully,
An ambitious and strong young lady who has been raised by a man that Ivanka and Tiffany can only dream of.

Sunday, 16 October 2016

Winter Is Coming

I won't dare say the C word just yet because I bet some of you aren't ready for it. However, when Halloween is over and I'm a Celeb starts again be prepared for my excitement in the run up to Christmas (sorry) because whether you like it or not people, WINTER IS COMING.

As the weather is becoming increasingly bloody freezing and the roof was nearly blown off my house last night I have decided to put together a winter wardrobe post! There are a few items that are always a must on my winter wardrobe list - A faux fur coat, a polo neck and a pair of thigh high boots.

I wore this outfit recently for a trip to town and absolutely loved it. There are so many different styles of trousers in this year so I couldn't resist picking up a pair... how Victoria Beckham of me, eh? I chose these checked ones from Penneys because I loved the print (there were loads to choose from) and they fit like leggings which means both comfort and style. They are very versatile because they can be dressed up and down - I will definitely be wearing these on a night out soon with a pair of pointed toe high heels! The trousers were the main focus of this outfit, teamed with my other three usuals! (Boots, fur, polo neck)

Another one of my recent outfits consists of a simple white cropped polo neck jumper from DV8 with a suede look skirt, thigh high boots and a gold chunky chain. I love the suede look and thought it would be nice to match the skirt with the boots.

I was laughing, but on the 97th photo attempt my photographer (my brother) definitely wasn't....

All of the colours in these outfits are pretty basic but the main focus breaks it up and makes it pop - the trousers in the first outfit and the boots and necklace in the second. Also notice how the darker lippy compliments it and sets off an autumn vibe :) Also, I am always loving burgundy/wine colours around this time of year!

I just love styling my autumn/winter oufits... so many beautiful rich colours and I just lust over layers, layers, layers! 

Summer is officially a distant memory and I don't know whether I'm more excited to start watching Hocus Pocus or Elf?!

Thursday, 6 October 2016

Fighting Through The Rainy Days

In life, they say certain things will either make us or break us. However, I don't think this is necessarily true. I think we can choose whether things will be the making of us or the breaking of us. Unfortunately, facing challenges is part and parcel of growing up, and don't get me wrong - that can be crap. Some people are lucky and only have to face minor mounds that are quickly forgotten about. However, others, for some reason which I do not know, have to climb mountain after mountain, battling bears and walking through fire. The important thing to remember is no matter the strength of the bears and the heat of the flames, you will always make it out the other side stronger than you were when you first started, and over time the scratches and burns will start to hurt a little bit less as they gradually heal.

A huge part of the healing process is knowing you had a partner on your journey. You don't need a hundred people knowing the ins and outs of every detail of your life, even if you just have one shoulder to cry on and a person to remind you to laugh once in a while, you're luckier than you think. I think this person is important as you're growing up - they help you hold onto the happy parts of your childhood whilst braving the storm of adulthood with you. It's not healthy to face things alone and keep everything bottled up, but that doesn't mean you should feel incomplete if you don't have a large group of people with you on your journey. Just because you may know lots of people, it doesn't mean you can depend on them all. The people who come into your life and stay through the picture perfect and the far from perfect times are the important ones. I think we grow up measuring our worth by the amount of friends that we have, but really, the loyalty of one great friend may be greater than the loyalty of 10 not so great friends. Quality is important in people, not quantity. You only need yourself to get you through the wars, but a best friend always adds that extra touch of sparkle.

I think when things happen to us we all look for reasons. Why did this have to happen to me? Why now? And even though we can't always find these reasons or answers, we rely on hope to get us through, and it always will eventually. One day when you look back you will see how everything you ever did shaped your journey and who you are as a person, no matter how low and difficult these times may have been for us. Life is unexpected, we don't know what tomorrow may bring or what is around the corner. All we can do is make the most of our life today and stop worrying about the possibilities of what's to come. You may not wake up in the morning at all, or you may wake up and have the best day of your life - you could go to the most beautiful place you've ever been, or meet the most beautiful hearted person, you just don't know what the future holds, so soldier through today even if you just feel like staying in your pyjamas curled up under your duvet.

Life is full of unhappy moments that try to throw you off course for a little while and shake up your plans, so I really admire anyone who keeps fighting through and doesn't give up. As much as we hate them as we are facing them, the challenges we face make us who we are.

For all the people out there who have been through too much - you are the world's most important superheroes.

Friday, 30 September 2016

A Generation Of Lonely Hearts

Growing up, I was always a dreamer. When I played with Barbies, she would always have her Ken. Playing games with my sister I always had an imaginary boyfriend called Brad. After watching all the Disney classics one too many times I thought about the day my own Prince Charming would turn up - How old would I be? Where will we meet? What will he look like?
This dreamer is now approaching 21 years of age. 21 - probably the number of times us girls have had our heartbroken by the same person over and over. 21 - the number of times we are probably yet to be 'almost' in a relationship. 21 - the number of times I have probably drunk text people who I really shouldn't have this year.
My dad always told me I have to kiss many frogs before I find my prince, but where is he? Is he trapped in a Disney movie or the generation before us? I was always the girl who believed in true love, movie love... I still do. Even though I don't play with Barbies anymore and know that the Disney Princesses are just figures that have been drawn into an ideal world, I still see examples of real love every single day and I still dream of the day that someone will walk into my life with nothing but complete love for me.
Although, I have to admit, how can a 20-year-old woman keep dreaming of love when so many 20-year-old men are shutting the possibility out of their lives already?  I'm not even necessarily looking for my Prince Charming yet, but where is my Brad? It would be nice to have a companion to share a 4-in-1 with, but at this rate it seems like only 4 in 1 million girls get that comfort without the extra hassle where you're close to flinging the curry at his head.

Deep down I believe there is someone for everybody, but what I'm wondering is, has the meaning of love been lost in our generation?
Unfortunately, I firmly believe that we are living in the generation of relationship no man's land. Many people in my age group float around the word 'relationship' but never give it a chance. For some reason it has a negative stigma around it, the idea that if you're committed to someone else then your freedom has disappeared.
However, I think this is completely false because I can't imagine anything more freeing than waking up beside someone who loves you. Relationships at a young age don't mean the end of your youth, the end of your fun, or the end of your freedom. It doesn't mean your future is set in stone or you have to marry this person in the morning, it means giving a person a chance to love, respect and make memories with you.

What are we all waiting for? Or more importantly, what are we all afraid of? Why is falling in love in 2016 a bad thing? People run from their feelings and emotions everyday, but shutting them out doesn't mean they're not there. The heart wants what it wants, you can't choose the aim of cupids arrow and you can't ignore it when it strikes you. This won't cause the wound to heal, it will get worse and just continue to bleed more and more.
I understand that you may not be looking for the one at this age, and that is fair enough, but why has the fear become so strong that even things as simple as dates are crossing the line? People can say dates cause too many feelings and confuse things, but I would much rather decide how I feel about you over popcorn and a good film than my iPhone. Since when did dates become a lifelong commitment? Why are dates the big deal and sex just the usual? Why am I expected to shave my legs for a man who is planning on ghosting me by the time the stubble has grown back? Until you get to know someone you can't say whether they are for you or not.
I honestly think the fun has been taken out of relationships. I watch Sex and the City all the time, but I know my friends and I can't relate to the topics they talk about over lunch. Instead of talking about how our date went horribly wrong or about a guy we are seeing, we talk about the time he opened our last Snapchat, possible (often dodgy) Tinder dates and Saturday's drunken shift. There are no great memories to be made and no stories to laugh about in years to come.
To be honest, I would give anything to go on a real date, even if it was the most horrible, mortifying experience of my life, at least it happened, at least there is still spark left in romance and fun left in dating. Wouldn't it be lovely to just meet a man, converse with him and go on a date with him without being accompanied by the Valencia Insta filter and the constant checking of when he was last active? You can't appear offline now hun, I'm literally staring at you across the table.

I think many of us have been through it, I have been through it myself numerous times, developing a crush, waiting it out, hoping and then... nothing. Zilch. Another day, another man who has become ingrained into my past with no desire to make it to the next phase of my life. If you try to follow this up it is often followed by the 'I just wanted it to be casual' or 'I had a feeling you were looking for a relationship.' Mate, I've honestly been texting you for about four days and have spoken to you in person once at the bar, how could I want a relationship with you? What if you snore really loudly? What if you don't laugh at my jokes? What if you don't find kittens cute?! Am I reeeally the one who is moving too quickly here? Please take a step down from your pedestal...
I've also seen plenty of my friends go through it, the excitement of them finding a potential partner for a few weeks, few months, forever, BUT SUDDENLY, forever becomes whenever, so hot becomes so not and planning becomes plotting. You're no longer his biggest fan because he let your friend down, he let you down, he let the team down. You're left telling your girlfriends they 'deserve so much better' while you're going through the exact same thing yourself.
Don't we all deserve so much better? Shouldn't we draw the line between not wanting a relationship and using our hearts and feelings as toys? As he is slowly killing our ego, we are transferring the dead pieces into his. The bigger the ego, the bigger the problems.

The thing is these days, people often want someone to confide in, one-sided loyalty, someone to share their bed with at night but with the string connecting their hearts to be kept completely invisible. I don't even know the meanings of words anymore - what is dating? When do we become exclusive? What counts as being just casual? Could somebody please make me inclusive to these definitions? It appears that so many people have fears these days - a fear of commitment, fear of attachment and fear of the word 'relationship.' The r word gets completely swept under the carpet to try to prevent unnecessary hurt and drama, but in reality, it just leads to more of this because the lump under the carpet is still visible because it is still lurking in the back of peoples minds. Can you really say you don't want a relationship when you never know who may walk into your life in the morning?

Yes, I am living proof of one of today's girls who are stuck in the wrong generation. No, I don't want your soul and no, I don't want you to marry me. All I want is someone to prove to me that our whole generation isn't suffering, I want someone to grow a pair of balls, take the bull by the horns, and face life head on by giving passion a chance and a nice deserving girl a three course meal or a trip to the cinema. I promise not to throw my 4-in-1 at you if we're opting for a Netflix and chill situation (the real kind though, calm down) and I promise not to set fire to any of your belongings...

2016 is an amazing year - a time where the internet and social media is constantly surprising us, a year where you can chat to people over the other side of the world and meet new people within a few clicks, a year where people travel all over the globe delving into new cultures and taking these experiences home with them, if they decide to return home, that is.
However, as amazing as 2016 is with it's freedom and endless experiences... has love suffered? Why is love scarier than loneliness? Has everything become so accessible that people's hearts no longer are? Are people putting off great things because they're afraid something better could be just around the corner? Put off these experiences as much as you want but don't forget that your journey could end at any time and things can change in an instant, so what if there is nothing around the corner? The perfect person for you at this moment in time could pass you by just as life is as you are reading this.
Take a chance, and if it fails, what happens? You fall and you get back up again. Simple. Don't make the rest of us wait for a chance because you're too scared of your own feelings. Your heart knows you more than anyone and if you keep shutting off your feelings you could wake up one day with a very strong sense of regret and half empty bed.

So many of us want to test the water, go on dates, enjoy our youth, get to know people, form real relationships, make experiences, and end up where we're supposed to be with who we're supposed to be with by taking risks... and so many other people are ignoring their emotions because of bad experiences, fear and the idea that the words 'I like you' mean you've signed your soul over to another person. Neither of these outlooks are right or wrong, but I do think when these outlooks meet they could result in complete relationship disaster. Are we or aren't we? Will we or won't we?
Time shall tell, but time is also ticking and I won't be twenty, fearless and full of love forever. I still believe that someday my love will be given to one other heart only, but until that real love comes along I need to learn from and appreciate others. Liking someone and loving someone are worlds apart, trust me, I've experienced both.
Give a romantic spark a chance and you'll eventually know if you've landed your frog or your prince.

Friday, 23 September 2016

Let's Talk About Blogging: My Journey With The Fox Files!

As I often have people messaging me asking for advice about how to start blogging, I decided to put a post together about a few of the things I have learned on my blogging journey so far. I tend to find that a common worry people have when wanting to start a blog is both a lack of confidence and no idea where to start. This is completely normal and you're not alone, so I hope this post helps you if you had wanted to start a blog.

I first started blogging when I was still in school. I have always loved writing (I was that girl who loved getting English homework at the weekend) so I thought a blog would be the perfect place for me to share that passion. I set one up on Blogger, started writing, and now I honestly can't remember what it was like before I had a blog, I love it so much! The Fox Files has opened up so many exciting doors and opportunities for me and I've never looked back. We all have to start somewhere and the only way is up from here :) I hope you enjoy reading all my blogging tips and all about the things I have learned along the way!

Don't let fear hold you back
If you let fear get the better of you, you'll never do anything in life. If you're really passionate about something then I don't think being afraid will stop you. You never know what could happen until you try! Go for it!

Write about what you love
An important lesson I've learned since I've started blogging is to write when you're feeling inspired, not just for the sake of it. If you aren't really feeling what you're writing, your readers will know this by how it turns out. Write about what YOU love and don't just write about a topic because you feel it's working for everyone else. If you take a break and come back to it when you know what you really want to say, the words will write themselves!

It's ok to have role models but don't constantly compare yourself to others
When I'm having down days I binge watch Sex and the City to get motivation from Carrie Bradshaw and then immerse myself in all the books I have that were written by bloggers. While I look up to all these fab people because of how amazing their stories are, I know none of these really matter on my own journey. At the end of the day, you've got to be your own inspiration and motivation! Girl boss goals!

Take criticism on the chin
When you're willing to put yourself out there as a blogger, of course you will meet people who are judgmental, particularly in small towns where word spreads like wildfire. This often happens to me and as upsetting as it is at first to have people who don't support you, it kind of motivates you to keep doing better. Will these negative people matter to you in 10 years? Absolutely not! Wear the hat, write about how you feel, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Be true to yourself
Be who you are, don't pretend to be someone you're not. There are so many blogs around and the only way to make yours stand out is by letting your personality shine through. For example, I often have many girls telling me they love the way I'm so relatable because I post about affordable products and aren't afraid to admit who I really am. For me, blogging isn't all about fancy clothes and perfect contour, it's often me sitting in my pjs with a cuppa and my spots smothered in sudocrem! It's not always glam! Be who you are and your followers will respect you for it.

Don't give up
I have to be honest, I hate coming across a great blog post and finding out their last post was 8 months previous! To keep interest there with your followers you need to be consistent. You wouldn't keep visiting a clothes shop if their clothes never changed, would you? If you're feeling motivated, write a few posts in one day and then you're set for a while! Exciting things await if you are determined enough. 

Wing it and just hope it goes better than your eyeliner!
Don't forget that you will be learning forever no matter what the topic is! I still learn new things about blogging everyday and I just go with the flow and find out more as I go along... you can't possibly know everything!

If you want to start a blog then just do it. Even if you just want to read it yourself, or you only want your mum to read it, or you simply plan on reading it to your dog. The choice is yours now, but trust me, later on down the line your readers and all the comments you receive from them that put a smile on your face for the rest of the day will make it all worthwhile. 

Thank you all so much for reading my blog! I look forward to reading yours! :) xxx

Sunday, 18 September 2016

Twenty Struggles Of A Twenty-Year-Old

Turning 20 isn't an easy time of your life. Your teenage years are officially over and that realisation quickly hits you. In a few months time I'm going to be a 21 hun and to be honest, I just can't quite come to terms with that yet. Should I have an amazing career by now? A long-term boyfriend? Should I stop afternoon napping?! Dear god, it's all happening too fast! If you're in the same boat or about to jump on board, then here are twenty struggles of a twenty-year-old...

1. "I really couldn't commit to spending three euro on that pair of socks that I needed, soooo I bought my fifth faux fur coat, a naggin and a pet micro pig instead. The naggins were on offer, okay?!"

2. Not going to Maccie D's after a night out because you're close to death by tequila and getting pushed into the taxi by your friends - "God I am getting SO good at saving money!"

3. I really would like a boyfriend for a nice companion, some cuddles and to shut my family up for a couple of years.

4. *Forgets point three, downloads Tinder again and drunk snaps every f***boy in my phone*

5. Teenage skin problems: "Surprise hun, I'm back!"

6. Me: "Mother please, I am an adult." Also me: "Mum, can you sort me out a doctor's appointment and double check that I filled this form out properly please?"

7. Seriously though, what age do boobs stop growing at? Asking for a friend...

8. Lets ask someone... any adults arou - ah ah ah AHHHHH. NABLE.

9. So I have to buy my own phone credit and clothes but still have to let my family know where I'm going everytime I plan on leaving the house for more than thirty seconds?

10. *Pretends not to hear phone ringing because you're afraid of it and hope they just text instead if it's important*

11. Is it too early in the year to start my list for Santy or just too late in life altogether?

12. Just me who still can't plait my own hair?

13. Ah, what a lovely day, I wonder if I'll make it through without somebody asking me what I'm doing with my life!

14. Apparently the higher numbers on the snogging scale aren't a huge deal anymore but some of us still struggle to get to number one... Love me plz, I'm feeling under pressure.

15. "I would love three kids, a big house, a family dog and also, right now, some pepperoni pizza and a nap."

16. Sex on the beach is always the drink because it's impossible to get lifts to the coast when you haven't even done your theory test yet and lets face it, you're probably being ignored by the one guy you like...

17. *Still holds a grudge about a guy who messed me around when I was 15 while on the hunt for the future father of my children*

18. By night- "For goodness sake, I am 20-years-old, why am I still getting asked for ID?"
By day- "Yes a child's ticket please, clearly I'm only 16."

19. Telling your 12-year-old self that you wanted to be a millionaire when you leave school but then ending up constantly procrastinating and before you know it you're almost 21, trying to improve the CV you typed up in school and living off of a diet of jacket potatoes and cheese...

20. I am a strong, independent 20-year-old woman... Still gonna check with my mum if it's okay that I'm going to his house when his parents aren't home though...

So that's it guys, twenty struggles of a twenty-year-old, although this list could have been a lot longer! Can anyone else relate to some of these? Bring on January - another year, another struggle...

Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Beauty And The Beast: Girls and Body Image In 2016

Once upon a time there was a young woman who was living in the generation of social media. She spent her days scrolling through endless social media apps, laughing at memes, texting her friends, editing and uploading photos, and keeping up with her favourite celebrities.  While this was a great thing for the woman as everything was so accessible, there were also many downsides to seeing every part of peoples lives through a screen 24/7. No, this woman wasn't me, but I spoke to this beautiful, bubbly young woman for quite some time before realising how many insecurities she was masking behind this social butterfly exterior. She showed me things that were completely unnoticeable to me, totally invisible as she tried to pass her mindset onto me about all the things the media make out to be positive that were having such a negative effect on her own thoughts - this included girls she wished she looked like, photos of herself she didn't like and complained about the size of her waist and shape of her nose. It has come to my attention that we are all guilty of this, while life isn't really a fairytale, we do only post the things we want people to see. Even though this girl wasn't me, at 20 years of age I often see the downsides of body image taking their toll on women, myself included. Is social media who we really are all the time? Of course not! Take one scroll through my Instagram and you won't find a picture of the stretch marks on my thighs, read through my tweets and you won't actually know how I've been feeling on the inside all week, look through my profile pictures on Facebook and try to realise that I don't actually walk around covered in filters or 'likes.'

What many people don't see is that social media is not real life and perhaps this is due to a lack of education and too much dependence on it. I firmly believe that for the youth of today the perception of beauty is getting worse and worse as time goes on. How do we explain to the young females in our lives about this? How can we make them realise that their lumps and bumps, or lack of, are completely normal? How will the future be affected if the self-esteem of the future is already in tatters? So many girls look up to others and see their perfect lives which they then compare to their own. As a blogger and family member, I'm sure I even have girls who look up to me. They probably see my outfits, my pictures with friends, everything I write and think 'Wow, she has a great life' but what they don't realise is that I probably had a pair of spanx on under that bodycon dress, lots of filters on the photo, I probably wasn't happy to be around all the company I had that night and possibly wanted to go home because like every other normal girl I could have been close to keeling over with period pains.

All I want to say is that I am in no way perfect, because nobody is. I have stretch marks on my thighs, I have been self conscious about my jiggly belly and the hair on my arms for as long as I can remember, I am recently beginning to suffer with breakouts on my chest and back again, I've always thought I have a very flat bum and I'm pretty sure my boobs aren't even the same size. However, take one look at my social media photos and you won't see any of that - why? Because my social media photos ARE NOT real. Underneath my clothes my body isn't showing any filter and parts aren't blurred out, the fake tan lines have to stop somewhere and no material is sucking in my wobbly bits anymore. I am not really who I am on social media - I'm not saying I'm a Catfish or Superhero, I just mean I portray the parts of me that I want people to see. We show the things we want people to see on social media, it is supposed to be a happy place where we can be whoever we want to be, which is why we don't bring our body hair description or dress size into our social media bios.

Even in terms of friendships, relationships and other parts of life, it isn't all picture perfect. Just because someone appears to have loads of friends on Facebook, doesn't mean they actually do. There is a huge difference between being able to depend on someone to like your photo and being able to depend on them outside of the screen when real life gets tough. That girl with hundreds of likes who you think is so popular is probably eagerly waiting for one particular person to like it, and even if he does like it, what good is that to build a relationship if he never shows himself in the flesh? Just because a man gives you all the attention in the world on your Instagram account, he doesn't know the real you - he doesn't know your favourite colour, the way you talk in your sleep, or the way you like your tea.

The beauty of the real world is that it will attract all the things that are meant to be. People can fall in love with who you actually are and all the little things that make you who you are - whether it's your over the top laugh or the mole you always try to hide. Do you really believe that all the hundreds of celebrities in the world managed to banish all cellulite from their curves? Are you telling me they all wear a DD bra? Of course not, they just show us something and the whole world follows. For example, a Kardashian sister could walk out of the house with a chest of drawers on her head and all of a sudden the media will tell us that this is the latest fashion trend we need to be following. A few days and Instagram selfies later and our timelines would be full of fashion furniture. Don't get me wrong, I'm the first person to read up on the latest trends and keep up with the world of celebs, but that doesn't mean it's everything, and it definitely doesn't mean it's all real. Yes we love celebrities, and yes, most of us follow them because that is human nature, but it doesn't mean it's a really healthy habit.

My life isn't perfect and neither is my body. I once cried to my mum about receiving anonymous criticism about my appearance and I once spent a night standing naked in front of a mirror over-analysing every part of my body and swearing I wouldn't eat another bar of chocolate for at least a month when a guy asked me 'Why don't you look like that?' while showing me a picture of another girl on Instagram. A few years later I realise I don't look like that because, well, I just don't. I'm not her, I'm me. When someone knocks you down about your appearance you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and knock them straight off your list of people that are priorities. My girlfriends all know what my naked body looks like and the men that have seen or will get to see it will hopefully be educated enough to understand and appreciate its worth and beauty hidden in all the imperfections.

All the girls facing the pressures of the ever changing world around them need to take a step back and breathe. Just because you don't look like her, or have her legs, her stomach, her nose, her friends, it doesn't mean you aren't amazing. Another woman's beauty doesn't mean your own disappears. You don't know how many people you are a role model to, you don't know how many people envy all the features about yourself that you see as flaws, and you aren't the only girl in the world who untags photos of herself that she doesn't like even though you really don't need to.

Girls, the world of technology is absolutely incredible today - we can talk to people across the other side of the world on a screen or by phone, we can see what everyone is doing all the time and we can capture moments in time... so what makes you think celebrities can't slightly edit photos to suck in or enlarge parts of their bodies? Enjoy it all you like, but don't compare what you see in the media or online to yourself. Let's look at me for a moment - I may have a blog, I may have nice clothes, I may talk too much about friends and relationships, but I can assure you I always do a little dance to get my skinny jeans on, open my button after munching on too much pizza, am naturally the colour of Casper, fall down in public way too often to count, have my fair share of enemies and absolutely no trace of a boyfriend! That doesn't make me sad though, if you see those things as flaws then you don't deserve the million and one more things that make me beautiful. We are the everyday women, the majority of us don't have millions of euro in our bank account, overflowing designer wardrobes, a hair and makeup team on call 24/7 or people to control all of our social media and photo editing.

From petite to plus-size, body hair, birthmarks, stretchmarks and everything in between. I know it's all been said before, but screw society's idea of beauty. I mean, what is beauty anyway? Who decides what makes the cut? Looking like a Disney Princess is all well and good as long as you don't actually have the heart of one of the infamous villains. If you can't appreciate other people's beauty then it might be time to do some working out or detoxing of your personality. Without your body you would have nothing, so give it the TLC to do the things in life that really matter. Your body is a temple, don't let it be brought down by hurricanes of people or an earthquake inside yourself. If this has already happened, then start building and repair the damage - Brick by brick, with stronger foundations, a damn good attitude, a smile to kill and a touch of girl power!

Yes, she is beautiful. Yes, so are you.

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

And Eventually You Will Be Where You're Supposed To Be!

When I did my Leaving Cert a few years back I honestly had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had put down courses I was really unsure about just for the sake of it and because I felt that people expected me to know where I wanted to go in life. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to go to college, I never had that deep desire to get going and get out of my house as quickly as possible because I was such a homebird (still am) and was just all over the place in general. When I got my results I remember feeling a bit disappointed because I didn't think I would get offered any of my courses and watching everyone around me discussing where they would be going to college and who they would be living with got me in a bit of a heap because I thought I should just know where I was going and where I would be a year or two from now. To my surprise, I did end up getting offered one of my courses but at that stage I still wasn't even sure if college was for me. I felt thrilled anyway though, I really was proud of myself after putting myself down on results day. I was never a really academic person and I know I could have studied a lot more than I actually did but I knew what I loved and I knew what my passions were even if I couldn't find them on many of the pages of my school books.

Despite my doubts about college, I went on the first day to test the water. As buzzing and exciting as the atmosphere was there was just something in my gut telling me it wasn't for me. Honestly, I cried my eyes out to my dad one day when he said 'Fe, talk to me, I know something's up, you don't really want to go, do you?' And of course, my dad knowing me better than anyone, he was right. I had one of my usual over the top emotional breakdowns and sat down with my parents to decide what I wanted to do.

I then deferred the place to give myself time to think it through but when the time came around again I decided I did not want to go to college, it just wasn't for me. I guess getting the course was the universe trying to give me the option so I would not always wonder 'What if I had got that college course?' No matter how many ups and downs I've had along the way, I can't express how many exciting opportunities I've had on the journey since and I've never looked back. I genuinely believe you need to listen to your gut and it will guide you. I'm now hoping to do a make-up course in the next few months, something I would never have thought about doing two years ago. It's funny how things can change over time!

No matter if you're delighted of disappointed with your results tomorrow, just remember that everything happens for a reason even if you can't see what the reason is yet. Sure I still get down days where I just cry, eat too much junk food and think 'Oh my god what am I doing with my life?' but everybody has those days and I firmly believe you will eventually get where you're meant to be, with the people you're supposed to be there with :) Don't get too sucked into the hype, it's not the end of the world and no matter what results other people get it doesn't affect you so don't waste time comparing :) 

Best of luck everyone, naggins out and tears away!

Belief is the light that shines upon our dreams!

Monday, 1 August 2016

Rant Of The Week: National Girlfriend Day?!

It's almost 8 o'clock on a Bank Holiday Monday, I am lying in bed in my pyjamas with dodgy tan lines, contemplating life and scrolling through memes, laughing away to myself with my double chin out and about. It occurs to me that today is National Girlfriend Day, and whether that means in terms of friendship or relationships, I can't help but think about how so many of the closest people around me are either already in relationships, nearly in a relationship or a lot closer than I am to even being put in the same sentence as the word 'relationship' (Some guys actually text back apparently, I dunno!) There is a half empty naggin of vodka sitting on my bedroom desk, so deciding to approach this would probably result in adding more depressing love songs to my phone playlist and a very, very grim end to an already rainy Bank Holiday Monday. For this reason, I have decided to leave the naggin for another day and write this post for all the girls out there who are currently in the exact same boat as me. I feel ya, huns!

The most annoying thing about being single is probably promising myself to start living a little and playing the field which ended up not being the right life for me. AT ALL. Add one night out, one new guy, a few shots of tequila and boom - Panic sets in. Although women are supposed to be the queens of multitasking, when it comes to multitasking in romance, many men seem to have it perfected. I love writing lists and ticking things off as I go but somehow I feel doing this with the male species would just not be the same and I'll want to keep unticking the one I become the most attached to so that I can go back for round 2. By round 2 I don't mean anything particularly raunchy or wild, I honestly mean a mirror image of round 1 which was me awkwardly saying 'Hey, how are you?' before going bright red, tripping over my own feet and sending him a text the next day he will never reply to. Honestly, how can I play the field if I'm too nervous and too much of a walking disaster to even enter the field? For me, a walking disaster magnet, the Friend-Zone is a lot safer because the dating fields I enter often seem to be filled with lava and dragons - enter at your own risk or just enjoy the view outside from the Friend-Zone. Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained though, right? However, a life constantly finding fun in new men is all well and good if you haven't had your future planned since you were 7 or designed your wedding dress in second class (aka my life...)

Don't get me wrong, I love the feeling of cutting all toxic ties and starting fresh with a new romantic slate, but I guess I'm just still waiting for that one guy who will sweep me off my feet completely out of the blue and until that time comes nothing else will really be good enough (Sorry people but I have been brainwashed by Disney movies!) You see when I say playing the field I really just mean creeping on a few guys Facebook pages and seeing which one is brave enough to try and make progress first. Results of this so far? About three fuckboys, many dramatic nights out and a bloody idiot sitting in her pyjamas, staring at vodka, while sharing her pointless story with you lovely ladies who are probably doing the exact same thing right now. Alright then, someone pass me that bloody naggin...

Such an exciting day!

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Rant Of The Week: Why I Swiftly Decided To Remain A Swiftie

It's first thing on a Tuesday morning, I am sitting here staring at this empty blog post while the kettle is boiling and there is mayhem in Celebville. Has this dramatically influenced my future in any way? Doubtful. I can hear Taylor Swift's voice playing through my phone as usual, and my Instagram is probably open on one of the Kardashian's accounts. However, what also hasn't changed is the sad and disappointed feeling in my heart as I scroll through social media to see things about the end of Taylor Swift and how she has, according to some people, been exposed for who she really is. Sadly, in a society that usually fights so hard not to tear down other women, a very talented and inspiring young woman is probably at a very low point in her life as she faces backlash for moving on to a new boyfriend and for an ever ongoing feud with an already very controversial celebrity power couple.

For the record, anyone who knows me knows I LOVE both Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian. When it comes to celebrities, these two are my ultimate favourites. I admire them in very different ways - Taylor for using her extraordinary talent to, in a way, expand her girl squad to millions and for rising to a height of fame purely using her music. She is the woman I turn to in times of need and when I need a good pick me up. When it comes to Kim Kardashian, scrolling through her Insta is part of my everyday social media routine and I just love keeping up with her fashion, North's antics, her extravagant life and the way she will go to the ends of the earth to defend the ones she loves - as we have seen recently with her defense of Kanye on Snapchat. It is because of this strong love of both why I find the Snapchat revelation upsetting, and downright awkward. It's like when two of your friends get into an argument and you're stuck in the middle weighing up both sides of the argument but really wishing you had a time machine to go back and stop one of their current husbands storming on stage during the other one's VMA speech in 2009. I think we've all been there.

I was going to comment on the Katy Perry and Calvin Harris saga, but after this Kimye situation has now taken over the internet instead I feel that has quickly been forgotten. I'm sure we all have a Katy Perry - that one girl you just don't get along with and haven't for years. And as for Calvin Harris, how many people have completely healthy friendships with an ex after a break-up? There was always going to be issues there as Taylor moves on, which she has the right to do. I don't know the full details of any of those relationships because none of us do.

For a moment though, can we remove ourselves from the fame and money filled celebrity bubble? Can we imagine that this is an argument happening between normal people? Wouldn't we consider terms such as 'RIP Taylor Swift' and snake emoji's under all of their photos as bullying? Can't anyone see how this would affect her mental health? Don't people realise we actually know nothing about the truth of what has happened? And where have Kim and Kanye's huge army army suddenly risen from? The pit the media is trying to push Taylor Swift into? For a moment, please think about how sick you are of seeing stories about it on your newsfeed, now imagine you are Taylor scrolling through all of these - being told your career is over, your image is destroyed forever, your group of friends aren't as great as they seem and having people trying to snatch your crown as America's Sweetheart from your head all because of an argument over a song many of us knew nothing about months/years earlier. Sorry, Kanye!

This won't be an issue for everyone though, lots of people have no interest in celebrity gossip, and if you're with Taylor for her music you're staying with her. I have been to two Taylor Swift concerts in my lifetime, I have seen the masses and masses of crowds travelling from near and far to see this woman in person. So if you're trying to tell me that 85 million Instagram and 79 million Twitter followers later that this is the end of this ladies career, I can tell you that you have never been more wrong. Even if these millions of people decided to give up on her, she still has my support and the support of her friends behind her, so her career is still very much alive!

It's time to get the snake emoji out of your recents, stop complaining about her fourth of July pictures, stop pretending you're a hardcore Kimye fan, stop pretending the cause of their argument dramatically affected your life and realise that somewhere in the world there is probably a very talented, powerful, 26-year old woman crying to Tom Hiddleston because of an uncontrollable mass of cyber bullying. At least Taylor's squad all support and empower each other, whether you love them or hate them you can't deny their loyalty. If you're attending the #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty today, don't try and change your mind tomorrow after you've already had the party bag and made your opinion known just because you need something new to write about.

I know I don't know what really happened, but in reality none of us ever will. There are questions that have been left unanswered and of course there are fans that have been left disappointed and confused. However, as respectable people of the world we all need to open our eyes and realise that whether you are on Taylor's side or not, whether she was lying or not, whether the Kardashians dislike her or not, trying to turn an entire world against one woman isn't the world we need to be living in. Surely we have faced worse villains in our time, right?

Wednesday, 13 July 2016

How To Know If You're Friend-Zoned On Snapchat

Snapchat is by far one of the most loved and most hated social media apps. Loved because let's face it, who doesn't love turning themself into a slice of toast or face swapping with Kylie Jenner?! However, it can be deadly when you receive an unexpected snap from a potential partner as you're covered in sudocrem or after you've been drunk crying. Most girls have numerous personalities on Snapchat, but understandably, if you're a man you may struggle to tell if you're out of the Friend -Zone or in the Friend-Zone. I know I have several close male friends who have screenshots of me that could potentially ruin my life but hey, I sent them that level of ugly so the trust is there, don't let me down lads! However, snapping a boy you're interested in is a completely different kettle of fish altogether - the time gets lowered, the pretty filters make an appearance and the other boys you were snapping can get slightly ignored (Soz huns!)

Let's just say if you ever struggled to decide whether I was into you or not, you will now know! If she's sending you the first side of the pictures below, appreciate the time and planning that went into those few seconds of perfection and if you're on the second side, errrrr, it might be time to move on if you were sending her the first side...

When you're genuinely just an average gal who loves the dog filter more than life itself... 

Bae vs. Bestie

When you can't think of anything else to say but the conversation was beginning to die...

Bae vs. Bestie

Letting them know your current romantic situation... 

Bae vs. Bestie

Reminding them how drunk you were last night to explain any embarrassing snaps you may have sent...

Bae vs. Bestie

The 'I'm so chill, comfortable in my own skin and not like other girls' no make-up selfie 

Bae vs. Bestie

When you need to suck up to him to make sure he doesn't think you're a miserable cow but you're past that stage with your mates....

Bae vs. Bestie

Embracing who you really are...

Bae vs. Bestie

When the trust level really matters...

Bae vs. Bestie

Pointing out your own flaws so they know you're up for a laugh...

Bae vs. Bestie

Hope you enjoyed this post and I'm sure many of you can relate! If you want to test this theory out for yourself feel free to follow me on Snapchat! Username: fenellafoxy :) Or if we're already friends on Snapchat you can proceed to cry or do a runner when you realise you're not on the side you want to be on, sorryyyyy...

Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Rant Of The Week: Don't Be Hosting The Ghosting

It's quarter past 6 on a Tuesday evening and you're patiently waiting for the Snapchat 'opened' symbol to turn into a message you have yet to open. You wait and wait, make a cup of tea, wash your dog, paint your toenails, think about what the reply is going to be, get married, have three kids, buy a house, get your pension, and still nothing. Maybe he's busy? Maybe he's lost wifi? Maybe he doesn't know what to reply? Or maybe he's er, ghosted me? Ghosting is a common occurrence in today's society, you think you're getting to know someone and get used to talking to them, hope it's going somewhere and then BOOM, before you know it, he's gone, disappeared off the face of the earth while you're left to over analyse every moment leading up to him doing a runner. Were my snaps too ugly too soon? Was I too clingy? Did I become an eager beaver? Is he thick?

You try not to panic too much because it's still early but then one opened symbol and forty angry texts in your squad's group chat later makes you ask yourself - when did ghosting become okay? When did people decide it was completely acceptable to just cut people off without any reason or explanation? We wouldn't do this in person, right? You wouldn't just climb out of the closest window in the middle of a lunch date (I hope!) As much as we hate to admit it, I think we have all been a victim of ghosting at some point in our dating history. You soon start to realise your Ross and Rachel idea of the romance was completely false and unrealistic and in reality you now know that he saw you as more of a Janice than a Rachel. So what does send many of today's males out the door? Are they running from commitment? Do they think by ghosting you they're escaping their own ghosts? Do they just fancy a new life outside of your social media accounts? Again, are they just thick? Even if you do see him, chances are he will blank you or just nod awkwardly, acting oblivious and trying to pretend the last four Thirsty Thursdays never happened.

Funnily enough, if we try to make contact to find our feet and figure out where we stand in the on/off/are we/aren't we relationship we are seen as clingy and crazy while the world's greatest escape artist running for the hills and completely leaving us in the dark is seen as the norm. Wasn't it going well? Didn't we have similar interests? Didn't our kiss send sparks flying? Didn't he appreciate how cute I looked with the dog filter? I put makeup on at 11.30pm for him! You start to come up with all these extreme scenarios in your head about his whereabouts - Is he back with his ex he was with four years ago? Has he gone into witness protection? Was he texting me as some sort of a sick joke all along? Am I going to be on Catfish?? You then rule out all of these when you watch him go through 3 girls in one night and then read 'Sorry, I'm just in a bad place at the moment' in his cowardly text back 47 weeks after you politely (demanded with gun emojis) asked for an explanation. You aren't really sorry though, are you mate? Where is this bad place many of today's eligible bachelors are living in? Hell? Their ex-girlfriends mind? Mr Big's shoes? I'd say that area is now sprawling into the suburbs by the minute at the rate us lovely ladies are being left in the dark re-reading all our sent texts.

After watching many different and also many similar experiences in the lives of myself and my friends, I have realised that as painful as it is, the truth is if he ghosts you he's not the one. Do you really want a man who couldn't care less if you go days or weeks without talking? Do you want a partner who is that cowardly? 20 years down the line he'll tell you he's picking up a takeaway and then you'll spot him in the background of a random documentary that was filmed in Peru. You coming back hun? Can you please let me know so I have an idea of how many potatoes I need to cook for dinner? Ladies, if he ain't gonna chase you, he wont wait long to replace you! May the ghoster become the ghostee!