Dear youthful men of our generation,
I know this is not all of you, but if you happen to relate to this piece of writing then chances are you are a heartbreaker (don’t act so surprised, you know she hasn’t blocked you off every social media account for nothing!) This is a common practise these days, much like the Valencia filter, pre-drinking or spending more time photographing your breakfast rather than actually eating it. I’m really hoping the mind games lifestyle is a trend that will soon pass in my life the same way as foundation lips, chunky highlights or studded belts did. As a girl who has met many heartbreakers in her short 20 years, I would like to alert you to our thoughts on the topic. Firstly, it isn’t something to brag about. Nobody really cares if you have trouble committing because of underlying heartbreak from the girlfriend you had when you were 12. We aren’t all like her, but by leading us on you’re passing your own trust issues on to us and when we meet the male equivalent of ourselves we will not want to trust him because we will worry he will be like you. This is not fair on him and will again have a knock on effect. Also, if she messed up your life as much as you make out then please stop contacting her. This will make us insecure and we will find out one way or another, whether we mean to or not, we’re like the FBI. And don’t blame your friends for your faults, poor Paul is probably completely oblivious to this argument as he plays on the Xbox or watches the Euros.
On another topic, if all is going well between us but it gets to the stage where you disappear for no reason whatsoever, then please ask yourself why… is this necessary? Did you plan on driving our sanity up the walls? Are you just doing it for the fun of it? If yes, then please realise that this doesn’t make you a hero, in fact it makes you idiotic and we would prefer it if you would just be honest with us. What is so enjoyable about leaving her waiting, wondering and in the dark? While you’re messing with her heart, 10 more decent men are dreaming of getting a chance to respect it, remember that. Chances are in many cases she only has eyes for you at this moment, so don’t continue to blind her. If this disappearing act goes on for a long time then don’t make a dramatic comeback when we finally move on and find happiness. Jealousy doesn’t direct you to the person you want to be with so don’t lure us into a false sense of security with promises of the world and future happiness. Don’t waste our time, we have better things to waste tears on and our poor girlfriends have enough issues with their own version of you without my problems going on top of that.
If you don’t want to be with a girl then don’t be with her. Simple as that. Don’t try to manipulate her feelings and take pieces of her that you know you don’t really deserve. We don’t find dysfunctional Prince Charmings cute, none of them were like this in the movies we watched repeatedly when we were young and we are not going to sit around and wait for you while you gallivant around the kingdom on your white horses looking for other ladies of the land. We aren’t all after a Mr. Big, we don’t want to convince a man to love us and chase him until he is finally ready to be a man, say how he feels and be with us. This isn’t healthy, and no woman wants to wake up in the morning wondering whether the man lying beside her really wants to be there. You know you wouldn’t want these actions done to your sister, daughter or best friend, so why are you doing it to someone else’s sister, daughter or best friend?
If you broke her heart and are genuinely sorry, then don’t do it again. One sorry is bad enough, but when she is asking her friends ‘which time was that again?’ then let’s face it, you weren’t really sorry. Everything can change in an instant and God forbid one day you may never get the chance to even try to apologise. False promises don’t fix broken hearts, they just secure them until it loosens again. If you break her heart then you bump into her and she can still look you in the eye, please be aware of the amazing woman you just lost due to senseless immaturity. And if she can’t look you in the eye, please be aware of the same thing. Every woman deals with a broken heart differently, and every relationship is different. You aren’t a child – women aren’t toys that you only want to play with when someone else has them. Every woman is a woman – somebody’s daughter, best friend and happy place. If she isn’t your happy place then don’t pretend you can be hers.
Step out of your little bubble of heartbreakers and look at the world around you rather than through a computer screen. Appreciate her beauty, don’t compare it. Some people crave the buzz of cities and some people the tranquility and peace of nature, this is the same with people. All are different, but all are spectacular, so if you aren’t mature enough to realise this then please walk away. On the other hand, if you are ready for it then make her feel secure and enveloped with love everyday especially when she feels down in herself. Ask her on a date, be the thing she looks forward to on a Sunday morning rather than a Saturday night.
Finally, when all is said and done, please taste your words about her before you spit them out. Does she really deserve to be bad mouthed? Were you there to pick up the pieces while she cried herself to sleep? Is she a bad person or just very fragile and you don’t know how else to deal with the damage that’s been done?
At the end of the day, if you don’t treat her right she really won’t be afraid to live her life without you in it. Oh, and to the huge number of men in the world who are not like this, I know so many amazing ladies you should be excited to cross paths with in the future. Hopefully, myself included.
For any further questions about what behaviour is and isn’t allowed, please contact my father.
Yours sincerely, every heartbroken girl dreaming of The One xx