Rant Of The Week: National Girlfriend Day?!

It’s almost 8 o’clock on a Bank Holiday Monday, I am lying in bed in my pyjamas with dodgy tan lines, contemplating life and scrolling through memes, laughing away to myself with my double chin out and about. It occurs to me that today is National Girlfriend Day, and whether that means in terms of friendship or relationships, I can’t help but think about how so many of the closest people around me are either already in relationships, nearly in a relationship or a lot closer than I am to even being put in the same sentence as the word ‘relationship’ (Some guys actually text back apparently, I dunno!) There is a half empty naggin of vodka sitting on my bedroom desk, so deciding to approach this would probably result in adding more depressing love songs to my phone playlist and a very, very grim end to an already rainy Bank Holiday Monday. For this reason, I have decided to leave the naggin for another day and write this post for all the girls out there who are currently in the exact same boat as me. I feel ya, huns!

The most annoying thing about being single is probably promising myself to start living a little and playing the field which ended up not being the right life for me. AT ALL. Add one night out, one new guy, a few shots of tequila and boom – Panic sets in. Although women are supposed to be the queens of multitasking, when it comes to multitasking in romance, many men seem to have it perfected. I love writing lists and ticking things off as I go but somehow I feel doing this with the male species would just not be the same and I’ll want to keep unticking the one I become the most attached to so that I can go back for round 2. By round 2 I don’t mean anything particularly raunchy or wild, I honestly mean a mirror image of round 1 which was me awkwardly saying ‘Hey, how are you?’ before going bright red, tripping over my own feet and sending him a text the next day he will never reply to. Honestly, how can I play the field if I’m too nervous and too much of a walking disaster to even enter the field? For me, a walking disaster magnet, the Friend-Zone is a lot safer because the dating fields I enter often seem to be filled with lava and dragons – enter at your own risk or just enjoy the view outside from the Friend-Zone. Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained though, right? However, a life constantly finding fun in new men is all well and good if you haven’t had your future planned since you were 7 or designed your wedding dress in second class (aka my life…)

Don’t get me wrong, I love the feeling of cutting all toxic ties and starting fresh with a new romantic slate, but I guess I’m just still waiting for that one guy who will sweep me off my feet completely out of the blue and until that time comes nothing else will really be good enough (Sorry people but I have been brainwashed by Disney movies!) You see when I say playing the field I really just mean creeping on a few guys Facebook pages and seeing which one is brave enough to try and make progress first. Results of this so far? About three fuckboys, many dramatic nights out and a bloody idiot sitting in her pyjamas, staring at vodka, while sharing her pointless story with you lovely ladies who are probably doing the exact same thing right now. Alright then, someone pass me that bloody naggin…

Such an exciting day!

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