Yaaaay! I am so excited to be Cocoa Browns blogger of the week 🙂 Give it a read guys 🙂
Ah, the teenage years…
The Sophisticated Sixth Year
He is way older than you, you don’t stand a chance with him, you never ever see him apart from once a year when you cross paths in town and he likes to discuss topics such as the Universe and Global warming. You don’t actually like him, you just enjoy zoning out and staring at his chiseled features while he talks about these major world issues. One time he messaged you on Facebook for three messages and you still haven’t recovered from it…
The “you think I’m playing it cool but I’m actually just a dick”
He enjoys texting you every now and then to mess with your emotions and then ignores you for months on end after that. He tells you you’re pretty and invites you for tea but tells your friends he has no interest in you. You may ask yourself hmmm what does this mean? Well, nineteen year old me is now telling you that it means MOVE ON.
He’s had some sort of love affair with every girl in town. You were also a victim but believe you could be the one to change him. Soz babes but you wont change him. Obviously you’re still gonna fall for it everytime despite warning from your friends, his friends, your family, the government and your goldfish..but, what do they know right?
The “We’re just friends I swear”
You’ve been friends for years but theres always been harmless flirting going on. Nothing more, nothing less, just harmless flirting. He likes to hit you and call you names and you think theres no feelings there until he gets a girlfriend and you cant help but hate them for it a little bit. There is absolutely nothing going on between you and the thought of ever shifting him freaks you out a little bit, but how dare he get a girlfriend? How selfish of him. Rude…
The Never Gonna Happen
He’s the perfect guy who treats you better than all the other guys you know. Boyfriend material and any girl would be lucky to have him, but not you. He is the Friendzone and always will be. He tries to make his move when you’re crying on his shoulder about being broken hearted and you have to shoot him down with the “I love you like a brother” line and just hope he never tries that ever again…
As a girl in a relationship, I have absolutely no time for other girls trying to build a flirtationship with my boyfriend. Equally, when I was single, I had no time for girls attempting to get off with my dream bae. In those situations you have no power and all you can do is bitch to your friends and cry in the bathrooms with your vodka and blackcurrant.
Is there a difference between being jealous and protecting whats already yours? Yes, of course there is! How can I be jealous of someone attempting to get whats mine when I already have it? There is a huge difference between being flirty and being friendly and sometimes boys don’t notice other girls levels of flirtiness but we’re straight on the case like the FBI! We won’t always say it. I’m a lady, the last thing I’m going to do is go up and start on some girl. Please, she is not worth me sweating over, I like this top. So, as girls, we do as we do best, bottle it all up and unleash the rage at a completely inappropriate, unrelated time to the current situation.
There is nothing more annoying than seeing a girl all over a guy who you know is already seeing someone/ has a girlfriend. Girl, have some self respect. Grinding up against him isn’t going to get you anywhere apart from in the girlfriends bad books. You’re not being friendly, I have plenty of male friends and at no point have I felt it appropriate to practically force myself on them and seductively dance around them as a way of showing them the strength of our friendship. You’re not Beyonce or Nicki Minaj, his anaconda don’t want none so jog on with your buns hun.
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I don’t know about you but nothing annoys me more than when a night out that I have built up for ages doesn’t end up being as good as I expected it to be. You expected to be drunk, feeling like Beyonce and loving life. However, the reality on these nights is that you are completely sober, bored and look like 2007 Britney Spears. For me, my hair pretty much sets the whole mood of the night ahead. If my hair doesn’t cooperate, my night will definitely not cooperate. Winged eye liner on top of the hair disaster does not help matters either.
When you finally get into town you realise that you are surrounded by a load of drunk sixteen year olds. You are then hit with the realisation that your youth is now behind you because you are no longer that underager pushing your boobs up to your chin and wearing a skirt so short that as my dad would say “you now have two more cheeks to powder”. I never thought I would get to the age where I am complaining about underagers, I’m only nineteen, that was me not so long ago…but lads, the reality is that I’m not that party animal that I was a few months ago. I enjoy a nice quiet drink with good friends and music at a healthy volume. I wear coats and often bring flats. Who am I? What has happened to me? I never thought I’d see the day where I sound like my mother…should I be taking out a mortgage soon? Life is grim…
Ever since 1996, I have been cursed with a strong dose of middle child syndrome. My sister is 21 and my brother is 16. I am equally close with both of them but I think all of the sisters out there will be able to relate to this blog post!
It has been the same in families for generations and will continue for generations to come. It is a known fact of life that family outings that are built up by your mother as “bonding time” do in fact end up turning into the breakout of World War III. Your parents argue in the front about being lost, while you’re stuck uncomfortably in the middle in between your bickering siblings because you were too slow to call shotgun of sitting by the window…again. You didn’t really want to go to begin with but your mum guilted you into it because “it wouldn’t be the same without you”. You knew the day would just consist of arguing and being cold but you didn’t have a choice. Its not like you’re nineteen and have the right to make your own decisions or anything…
When you finally arrive four days later because dad seems to have a fear of putting any sort of pressure on the accelerator, you step out and are hit by arctic conditions. Well, kinda. Obviously you can’t admit this, mum told you eight times that you’re going to need a coat, but you’re nineteen and can make your own decisions. Lets be realistic though, no one is going to see you at this random Harbour on a Sunday afternoon. You should have brought a bloody coat.
Lunch in a nice warm cafe? Nah, lets all freeze to death while also attempting to cover your food from hovering (and probably flesh eating) seagulls overhead. These days are not fun. You do not bond. In fact, you start to question what you could have done so horribly wrong in a past life that you deserved to be born into this family in 1996. The Universe couldn’t have just waited 15 years and brought me into the world as Harper Beckham. Where is the justice people?
I will admit though, even though these family days out can make you want to kill each other, you realise on crappy days that you would much rather be sitting on that cold Harbour than on school benches waiting for the bell to ring for you to go to Irish class. Modh Coinniollach or family? See, your parents aren’t so bad after all…
Tan plays a huge role in the lives of females today. Where would I be on nights out without my Cocoa Brown? To be honest, it’s my extra layer of confidence! We all know without it life would be grim.
I am aware that peoples mocks are starting soon, so I decided to dedicate my rant of the week to all you unfortunate people out there! I know the majority of you are probably panicking and thats completely understandable but I am here to offer you the light at the end of the tunnel…you will survive. The teachers may make out that a bad mock or even Leaving Cert result is the start of the apocalypse, but you will soon learn, as I did, that it in fact is not and life does go on! I remember all through secondary school I didn’t have a clue where my life was going, and to be honest I still don’t really, but isn’t that all part of the fun of life? These are only the mocks so you definitely will be fine. I can remember my actual Leaving Cert and thinking the Biology paper was written in chinese. I’m still questioning that to this day to be honest! I came out of the exam in floods of tears and thought my life was over. It then hit me that I have absolutely no interest in Biology and know my passions lie elsewhere. As long as all the parts of my body know what they’re supposed to be doing I don’t necessarily need the in depth knowledge, so be grand!
Teachers build up the hype of exams but when you really think about it, they have to, it’s their job! So on that note, don’t let a bad result or comment from a teacher knock your own self confidence. They don’t actually know you, you just spend forty minutes listening to them talk for five days a week. Don’t get me wrong, the majority are a great help and support but some aren’t as much. I was told by one teacher that I should be a librarian..anyone who knows me knows that I’d be the most irritating librarian ever! I could talk for Ireland! My deputy principal also told me that I needed to stop dying my hair because I wouldn’t be able to work in a bank with hair like that. I had no intention of working in a bank and even if I did, how would that affect him? He also asked me what people would think of the school if I went downtown with my hair like that. Ummm, they will probably think wow she has dyed hair just like the other 85% of the worlds population. Look at me now, no library, no bank and my hair is still frazzled within an inch of it’s life from bleach and tint just the way I like it! Yaaaay! My hair is my thing, I’m the only person that can take that away from me.
So take a minute to breathe. Hard work always pays off for people who do need high points, and if you know that you don’t need high points for whatever you need to do then just relax. I genuinely believe whats for you wont pass you. My dream careers have varied from Britney Spears to a primary school teacher. Both still equally achievable, Britney Spears with many singing lessons and primary school teaching through back doors, or college when I hit 23!