Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Snapchat: The biggest mistake of your life...

So as a girl who uses Snapchat everyday, I have decided to share my top 10 Snapchat rules! Yes, they may seem like common sense but trust me, one wrong click and you could be single forever...

10) Don't make the mistake of 'Oh I'll send this really hot guy a really ugly snap because it shows I can have a laugh', it's been 4 hours, he's not going to reply...

9) Only send sudocrem selfies if you're ready for the consequences that follow.

8) Always place the writing over that spot that has developed into a second head.

7) If you're going to send buck tooth or cross eyed snaps to your friends make sure you remember to set the time to 3 seconds or lower.

6) Decide whether this guy is worth cute ugly or ugly ugly.

5) Be sure to know the difference between cute ugly and ugly ugly...

4) Don't send snaps after nights out, it's not worth the regret...

3) Dont add couples, their stories will either make you want to vomit all over your phone or restart your Adele obsession.

2) Don't add guys with names such as 'fitlad212', chances are he isn't your soulmate. Equally, girls with names like 'cutiepie123xo' shouldn't be seen as potential threats because chances are she's not much older than 12 so you needn't worry! 

1) Dont get Snapchat. Even though its very fun, you will just end up getting screen shot by your mature friends and accidentally send sudocrem selfies to the love of your life. You have been warned.... 

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Countdown Of Annoying Dad Habits

My Dad Steve is quite an eccentric man, so I decided he would be a lot of fun to write about! Here is a countdown of all his annoying habits, I could have gone on forever...

20) When he refers to my sister and I as 'Flea' and 'Meredith' Flea...really?

19) 'Fe, since when don't you like Spaghetti Bolognese?' SINCE THE 4TH OF JANUARY 1996.

18) When he continues to call my bestfriend Amy 'Amy Turtle' 8 years down the line...Who the hell is Amy Turtle? 

17) When he says 'That gets right on my tripe!' I have recently been informed tripe is cows intestines or something vile like that. Where is the logic? 

16) When out of nowhere he says to me 'Your skin is bad because you don't eat enough greens' Sound dad ily x 

15) 'Go up and help your mother' You bloody go up and help her, you married her! 

14) 'I recorded this great song for you the other day' I wasn't even aware that they had music in the Stone Age...

13) When Cavan has been glued to the tv all day and I walk downstairs after spending the last 7 hours doing a comparative question and dad says 'Fe you make the tea, you've been in bed all day!' 

12) When I'm all done up to go out and he says 'Bloody hell Fe, if that frock gets any shorter you'll have two more cheeks to powder!'. Firstly, sound? And secondly, who says frock in 2014? Equally as irritating when I'm all done up and he says 'Are you gonna get ready to go out then?' 

11) When I tell him I saw a hot guy on a night out and he responds with 'Invite him over for tea then, I want to see what he's made of' Um yeah that could be a slight problem Dad seeings as he isn't even aware of my existence...

10) 'Send him a Facebook message there, we used to be great mates in 1974' 

9) Playing it cool around friends and he suddenly puts on a really strong West Country or Irish accent and starts singing songs like 'I've got a brand new combine harvester' (See link below, good luck.) To this day I still can't quite work out where he's from but the Cornish and Bristolian phrases must have played some role in his childhood...

8) When you're heartbroken and he says 'Better off without the buggers, a friend in need is a bloody nuisance!' 

7) Or when you're crying and he says 'Never mind, move on' Never the time...

6) Sometimes he randomly says people's names out of nowhere that you haven't heard for ages...Danny Rivers...Gary Phillips...we tend to ignore him...

5) The car journey to school in the mornings...his version of 'don't look back in anger' had me looking back in anger...

4) His spontaneous spring cleans of the sitting room during the end of a film or the season finale of your favourite tv show! 

3) When he spends all day watching the football results. Why are there always football results? How often can Man Utd play?

2) Football transfer news..like do we really care? 

1) When he FINALLY changes the channel from football...but then puts on rugby instead...

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

CAOHNO

That dreaded time of year has arrived. The moment we have all been waiting for since we knew it existed. Those 3 letters that we all hate to hear. CAO. Some people may ponder the meaning of the letters and personally for me they mean 'Crying Aloud On my own'. Obviously this isn't the actual meaning, but I genuinely couldn't tell you what it actually is so please don't ask...
My first ever dream that I can remember having was to be the next Britney Spears. I thought this was going pretty well for me until this evening, 14 years later, when I was sitting in the car with my mum and she said 'You don't exactly have the voice of Leona Lewis'. WELL THANKS A LOT MOTHER! What now? WHAT NOW? This leaves me with Fashion Design, Journalism and Primary Teaching. Most people would look at things such as how much it pays, where can you study it, are there many jobs available etc etc. But for me I think about one very important detail, which one sounds cooler? Do I want Cheryl Cole to say 'I'm wearing Fenella Fox'? Do I want to be on Sky News saying 'This is Fenella Fox, reporting live from the moon.' Or, do I want people to refer to me as 'Miss Fox' as I strut down the corridor in my high heels terrifying everybody in my path? I really cannot decide. For the moment I think I'll just relax and worry about it on the day of the CAO deadline and hope a modelling agency has signed me by then...

Monday, 13 January 2014

My Nights Out Adventures! More to come...

As I am lying in bed on a dull Sunday evening in complete denial about school tomorrow, I have realised that the only things getting me through this year are a) food and b) nights out. B seemed like it would be a more interesting topic to write about and wouldn't tempt me to make a late night trip down to the kitchen. So, what does appeal to me so much about going out late at night while freezing to death and spending the majority of the night crying in the bathrooms? Is it the moody bouncers, the challenge of putting on fake eyelashes or the strange middle aged men who blow on your neck while you're ordering a drink? Wrong. In fact, I enjoy being several inches taller, beautifully sun kissed (or in some cases orange, but my tanning skills have improved), and spending the night with strange beings I sometimes refer to as 'friends'. Sure you have the occasional night where you burst into tears in the middle of the dance floor for no apparent reason. Well I do, but I tend to do that everywhere really. The bathrooms of course are the best places for dmc's when 5 of you squeeze into one cubicle and you're all saying the same thing to each other..'I don't think he likes me'. Then after 20 minutes of telling each other that we're gorgeous, we all stop crying and head back out into the hustle and bustle of the night in single file (I always end up being the one with tissue stuck to my shoe). Then as a potential shift interest walks near you all you can do is play it cool and pray that your skirt isn't tucked into your knickers...Yep, once again I am that friend. Still single, any takers?