I doubt myself a lot. I trust myself a lot. I find both things can exist in the same story, but one determines whether you’ll finish writing the story.
I write all about love, and my main loves are my stories. Self-doubt trickles in all the time though, it trickled into my words today when I was writing. And even though I love the words with all my heart, these little doubts can sometimes make you feel like you’re shrinking. Even though you’re venturing through make-believe worlds and raw truths, writing can be a lonely journey at times. Sometimes it can just be you, your characters, lots of coffee, and doubt or trust – whichever road you’re choosing to walk that day. You have to hype yourself and speak words to yourself that are as intricately planned as the ones you’re always writing.
In response to this shrinking feeling today, my Mum told me: “You’re not small, you’re huge. You’re like the moon.” And that statement was suddenly all aglow. It lifted me to new heights and threw me back into the flow of my own story. You have to trust the love of your main character, you have to let the passion guide you – whether you’re a writer or doing something else.
Then, when I was all aglow, I opened up my laptop, pictured the moon, chose trust and there I was, sitting with shooting stars and finally hitting 50,000 words of a draft that will someday be read by more people than just my self-doubt. How do I know other people will read it? Trust. The passion has been planted there for a reason, it is really writing itself.
Tonight I have stepped away to write this, but I miss it already. My greatest love will always be the way I naturally pour onto paper, without rules, completely reckless and with heart that lights up the night sky and drives the tide.
