As I am making my way through life, it often happens that the fear creeps me up on. Not the classic (also haunting) ‘What am I doing with my life? Does my soul have a purpose?’ fear, but just like, erm, delayed pink gin fear. The fear that ‘Oh GOD that actually happened at some point didn’t it? I actually did that?’ It often grips me with such force that I have to analyse the moment from top to bottom all over again and relive the height of the mortification.
However, I think I need to take a new approach to this, rather than calling it ‘terrifying’ or ‘trauma,’ I think it deserves to be called ‘stepping into my main character energy.’ In fact, there are hundreds, if not thousands of times that I stepped into my main character energy over the years. I remember it all clear as day. Let’s just hope the side characters don’t. When I say side characters, they’re often demons. Aka ex lovers.
Many of these got to meet my main character when she was at that frantic part of her movie – think Bridget Jones when she was in jail, Allie Hamilton when she was tearing letters open on the side of the road, or Titanic when the end of the ship was in the air. Once the fear subsides, the giggles set in – I’d rather have the fear, I’d rather embrace being labelled as problematic, because I love knowing I sprinkled rocky terrain down for men who thought they could glide in and out of hearts without making any noise. I am noisy, I always was noisy. I don’t want my main character to be anything less. I will accept that my selfies are framed on the walls of their nightmares.