Women have fire, women are fire, but when our relationships are on fire, we are often told not to fight fire with fire. My fire is something I often brought into my dating life, because given the modern dating climate, it was impossible to keep being nice, all the time. To continuously be a ‘yes’ woman when pondering men that couldn’t even commit to being ‘no’ men, is exhausting. How can we be expected to keep agreeing to be their ‘maybe’ ?
We are taught to fear being known as rude, and when we think we have been rude, we spend too much time analysing the timeline and what caused that change within us, that boom. It’s as if we have been pushed over the edge to some sort of insanity when we speak up for ourselves, when in reality, it’s our boundaries. It’s where we draw the line and halt the oncoming wall of hurt that we don’t deserve.
In my early twenties, the ‘bitch’ label landed on me, scattered over my aura by the friend of a guy who would go on to stick a ‘psycho’ label on my forehead some months later. That fire, that bitch, that ‘psycho’ part of me, stopped me from drowning. It made me stand up for my self-worth. I love that side of me and what she represents. The woman I am today is fuelled by that fire.
But, it still carried guilt. Guilt that I’ve seen at other times with other relationships, that consumed my feelings even though so few of these men cared about my feelings. I wondered if I could have been more polite – was I too sharp? Was I too blunt? Was I too honest? Was I too… open? Was I really a bitch?
I spent too much time wondering if had reacted to disrespect as a bitch or a psycho, when these men didn’t spend enough time asking themselves why they thought they had the right or audacity to call me a bitch or a psycho.
Many men will not like that fire, they will try to put it out, to diminish it by making you feel like it’s a dark side of you. It’s not, it’s your glow. You do not have to be a ‘yes’ girl for anybody, and you definitely do not have to be a ‘yes’ girl for ‘maybe’ men.