“Of all the men to throw into my emotional field, why did I encounter the ones that I did?”

I Think He's Gone Weird

Watching a little bird flying across the big open field next to me and it got me thinking: How did he get here? Out of all the birds on earth, how come this one caught my eye tonight? And on a more relatable scale, out of all the billions of people on this earth, how did I end up meeting and falling for the men that I did? And why were so many of these men always just destined to be lessons from the universe?

When it comes to the ones that seemed greater than straightforward lessons, the ones that drove me to a heartache that still lingers a little, why, of all the men, did they start and end up being just like that little bird to me? I mean, of all the men to throw into my emotional field, why did I encounter the ones that I did? I am torn, somewhere between the belief in fate, and an equal belief in plain aul bad luck.

I turn back to look at the field, the bird is gone. I can’t help but miss him after emotionally giving him more wings than he already had. Somehow, within a few glances, that little bird became a symbol for all the men I’ve ever truly cared for, and I am suddenly overwhelmed by the possibilities of his current whereabouts.

The field looks completely empty now from the outside, to passers by who weren’t there a few minutes ago, but something remains for me. Perhaps it’s a memory, a moment, a feeling, something I can feel but can’t explain. And although he was just a fleeting experience and his wings took him elsewhere, I’m pretty certain I’m not dwelling on a lesson. No matter what the reason was for us crossing paths tonight, I mean even the chances of that underneath an endless, gentle, coral-coloured setting sky, the real question is, did he take the memory of me anywhere with him too?

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