“I don’t know why I’m writing a romantic post about toilets, but somehow I relate to it…”

I Think He's Gone Weird

First dates are strange things, you spend the first hour or so trying to show him how easy going you are whilst silently wondering if your lippie has smudged. You then go into the bathroom to fix your makeup, stare at yourself in the mirror as you have a mini freakout, smile away to yourself as you’re peeing, text the group chat all the updates including your starter review, and then head back out to show him how funny you are now that you’ve made it into the second hour and are a little more confident. That is of course after you’ve double checked that your skirt isn’t tucked into your knickers, because an accidental flash of your bum cheeks in hour number two would be a likely occurrence for a complete disaster (Meeee!)

I don’t know why I’m writing a romantic post about toilets, but somehow I relate to it. First date bathrooms are the places for the pep talks, the “You’re a queen who chose the best outfit ever this morning, love you!” moments. Even if things are going wrong, bathrooms are the pep talk places. Disaster date number one: “Will my boobs fit through that little window?” The end of us on date 13: “Don’t cry now, stay strong, you always get through these things.” Honestly, pub bathrooms create some of the most empowered friendships this world has ever seen, and the bathroom at his house always has a lock that doesn’t work whenever his parents are asleep in the room next door. Great time to meet his mum – “Oh hiya, just having a quick wee, and yes this is your son’s shirt. Don’t mind me you probably won’t see me again for a while, we always do this every now and again!”

Anyway, back to the first date loo. The thing is, when you go back into a first date loo much later, you realise he was just a person. You both were. That’s the magic about first dates, if there’s a spark, the bathroom “Ahhhhhh” moment is completely necessary. It’s electric and exhilarating. And even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll find yourself smiling as you pee in that bathroom sometime after he’s gone from your life because it was where the magic started, it was where you put him on his pedestal, it was the most intricate perfume top-up and lipstick application of your life, it was where you processed a new emotion with a new personality. There’s an innocence about first dates – they’re playful and refreshing, a blank canvas of possibility. And of course they give a toilet a history, and you’ll never look at it in the same way again.

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