“Maybe we should keep social distancing in place for situationships?”

I don’t know which feeling is more grim – lying awake beside a sleeping red flag who you know you should not be lying beside again, or waiting for that red flag to contact you in the days that follow. Either way, it doesn’t matter, you will both speak again when you’re three Pinot Grigios in and you start to ponder the workings of his brain. That’s guaranteed, you will ignore all sensible advice from friends and your own better judgement as you begin spewing out cringey crap he just does not want to hear.

In fact, nobody wants to hear it that night, but perhaps everybody needs to. Start tapping your glass before you pull him aside for your rant. That gal on the next table needs to know to avoid him like the plague before her heart becomes a toy, the guy behind him needs to know your heart won’t be treated like a toy, the bouncer needs to know he should no longer let him in, the bartender needs to know he should pour him a crap pint, your friends need to know that it’s time to bring you home, your mum needs to know this is why you took 7 hours to get ready, and the man himself just needs to know: “My god you really broke my heart and I need to stop drinking white wine…”

Maybe we should keep social distancing in place for situationships?

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