I was at breaking point with the “What are we?” pondering. How much was too much, was it possible to ask him what was going on without pushing him away? We were floating in limbo land, something he seemed quite comfortable with. Limbo wasn’t a secure place for me, I was falling for him, but didn’t want to ruin anything by asking if he was willing to consider a label that wasn’t “Yeah I like you too!”
Limbo feels different with different men, but one thing is always the same -You can get so used to limbo that it becomes the norm, and before you know it, months have passed you by and you still don’t know if he’s your best mate or your next wedding date.
Limbo with a fuckboy is a constant annoyance, you’re wondering whether or not you have a leg to stand on while he’s happy out doing what he’s usually doing. And then there’s limbo with potential, and limbo with potential is just plain frightening. You don’t know why you’re here anyway, what is holding you back from moving forward together? Limbo has looked like a road trip with my best friend where I spend the entire trip ranting to her about flakey Snapchats and him acting weird, and it has looked like a dinner date where it’s him, I, a bottle of wine, and a mutual fear of being upfront.
To date, I have found there’s few ways out of limbo, and very often, it’s not the direction we want to go. Limbo can be scary and frustrating, but limbo is often comfortable. We can stay there forever hoping for the best and telling ourselves everything is fine, but the thing about limbo is the longer you drag it out, the more it eats you up inside. There’s something emotionally draining about giving someone months to decide whether or not they will one day be prepared to love you and move forward with you.
And if it’s months down the line and it’s not the answer you hoped for, what was even built here? After all the emotions have been felt, how do we paint love into a stranger?