- Go out. I know, I can’t be arsed right now either but I also don’t want to be the sad 23-year-old who stayed in cuddling her dog while watching Netflix (Kinda do though, but you know what I mean..)
- Wear that outfit you’re thinking about. No, it’s not too OTT. Yes, your legs look fab.
- Put on the lashes and wear red lipstick. You’ll regret it later if you don’t, trust me. Me and my naked eyes have been there, hun. And red lipstick always looks fab, I don’t know why people panic about wearing it, red lipstick screams power and sophistication. PILE IT ON, NOW.
- Get a battered sausage at the end of the night. You can fix your diet Tuesday, but right now you need the batter to soak up all the regret. Actually saying that, get two.
- Avoid him (this might also come up in the don’t list, I haven’t decided yet.) We already discussed the fact that the chipper will fix everything in the previous point, so whatever you do, you’ll be graaand.
- Drink wine. I have a hazy memory from the last time I did that of standing in the chipper sobbing while handing over my four quid to the guy working there. Morto for me, and even more morto when I’m crying about a fella I haven’t seen for three years.
- Wear cycling shorts. Look, maybe it’s just me, but they are stressing me out.
- Tell that girl in the bathrooms to dump her fella. Granted, he sounds like a bit of a prick, but let’s give some credit to the power of the bottle of pink gin currently sitting in her gut.
- Be afraid to own your power. You’re always slaying it no matter what you’re wearing or who you’re with, remember that.
- Avoid him. Ah, crap, it did land here. Look it’s up to you, I’m only taking responsibility for my own bad decisions. Just be sure to do the exact opposite of what your sober friends tell you to do so you really make the most of ruining your night, okay? Go hard or go home and all that.