When The Past Is Still The Present

Earlier in the week I posted a quote on my social media accounts about looking back on all the men you’ve ever liked and realising they were all assholes and wondering what on earth you were thinking. Now, altogether on all my social media accounts this got in and around 60 likes. Which means, 60 women were more than likely agreeing they have all had a crush on assholes before. Now, I have done the math and if we have all had a crush on at least three assholes in our lifetime then that means there are 180 f***boys out there running amok, (a TERRIFYING statistic may I add) unless of course a good few of these women have liked the same man which hopefully is the case and luckily this drops the amount of assholes to around 150 (I think, idk, I gave up on the math.)

Now I know many of you may be thinking what is this pointless mathematical equation about, well ladies, lets look at it like this, out of your three f***boys how many of them do you still check up on? How many of you still secretly hope your favourite heartbreaker out of the three will come back into your life as a changed man who is ready for a perfect relationship with you? Yeah, I thought so. How many of you judge all the new men you meet based on whether or not he resembles this soul crushing, love destroying idiot just because at some point in the past he fed you a few compliments that you play over in your head everyday? Yep, knew it.

So girls, I am just wondering, WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING? Why are we so inclined to settle for less than we deserve? Why do we spend three days texting our bestfriend saying how much we hate him, how he ruined our life and moan about a desire for true love only to meet a sparkling new prince charming and let ourselves down by thinking “Yeah you’re nice and all, but you’re not the man who owned and stomped on my heart for a huge portion of my life and I’m kinda still hoping he is my soulmate to be honest, soz.” Thinking about it now, it is likely he will want to be yours again, once he’s run out of other women and realises you’re the only one stupid enough to put up with him. And you know him, you can be sure he will make his dramatic return and pull on your heart strings at a very bad time… like they usually do…

Well excuse me Mr Romantic for thinking that years of mind games, no replies, occasional drunken kisses and your 17 new girlfriends meant it WAS over. Look, unless one of your three assholes was Noah Calhoun or in anyway like Noah Calhoun (highly unlikely, lets be realistic because Noah wasn’t an asshole, in fact he was perf) then you should probably stick to your Lon Hammond (if you haven’t met him yet don’t worry, he’s still busy being messed around by the female equivalents of our idiots, he’ll get here eventually.)

All in favour of no longer being the girl he runs back to when he’s bored or feeling lonely?

Don’t worry, he’ll regret it once he realises how much you really cared about him, but by that stage you’ll be too busy with Lon Hammond to care!

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