Being completely honest, today I have had a long hard day of feeling sorry for myself and being completely down in the dumps. Not only was my mood incredibly crap, but my appearance also reflected it considering what happened at 4:15pm. My brother walked in the door after coming home from school and asked his usual question: “You alright?” but today was different, before I could answer he went on to say: “Are you sick? You look sick” “No, I’m fine.” I replied as I walked out the door to get the washing off the line. The truth was, I did look sick, writing this post right now I look sick. I have zero makeup on, wearing pyjamas, my hair is all greasy and the only thing I’d eaten all day was a bowl of cornflakes. Yes I felt down, but I hadn’t helped myself either.
I can’t really explain my sadness I just feel that at the moment I’m going through a period in my life where everything is like a whirlwind that I’m stuck in. I’m not quite sure where I’m going, what I’m doing or have any idea what’s going on with some of the relationships in my life. Truthfully, I’m feeling a little bit lost and overwhelmed with stress.
While getting the washing off the line reality finally hit me in the face. I had the most ridiculous thought I have ever had while feeling lonely and isolated: “Loyal people do not exist.” For me, it couldn’t get any lower than that. Was I really that delusional? Had I honestly let a few bad experiences throw the worlds population into one category? Anybody who knows me knows that I live in a bit of a dream world, I want loyal Sex and the City friendships and love like Noah and Allie. I want girls to go shopping for the glass slippers with and true loves kiss to wake me up every morning, and yes that may be my dream world, but I still know I will find all that someday.
After 19 years of having such a firm belief in loyal, committed people, I thought I had officially hit rock bottom. It is now that I am writing this with tomorrow’s outfit and lipstick colour already in mind. I think sometimes you need to hit what you view as rock bottom to realise that it is most definitely not rock bottom. I’ve had these days before and I’ll have these days again, but it’s nothing that a denim jacket and a pair of feather earrings can’t fix.
My mum walked into me this morning and knew straight away I was a bit upset, she said to me “I’m letting you have one day to be mopey in bed drinking tea and watching Sex and the City, but tomorrow you’re getting up and going out to live your life. You are Carrie Bradshaw!” At the time I couldn’t appreciate what she was saying but now I’ve realised she is so right. Not only was she saying I am obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw (which we all know I am, nice observation mum lol), she was saying I’m the only person who can lift myself out of this mood and I’m the only person living my life.
Everything happens for a reason and sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together.
Hope you are all having a lovely week, and if it’s not so great, just remember you’re not alone and things will get better 🙂 For me the highlight will be meeting my friend Shauna this weekend for a catch up and going to the Blog Awards Ireland next week, eeek! So excited!