After many sleepless nights, rants to friends, hours of deliberation, and a broken heart I have realised many of us are in fact idiots. And by many of us, I mean my friends and I (hey, if I’m going down, you’re all coming down with me). I’m not saying everybody does this, but I just feel I do so I should write about it.
When looking for love, do we always friend zone the nice guys? I am so guilty of this. I spend my days telling people I want a fairytale romance and when a sweet, caring guy is ready to offer me that, I’m like “Nah, he’s too nice.” Am I thick? Like I must be? What am I looking for so, a knight in shining armor who will be on Tinder as he’s approaching the tower to save me? A Noah Calhoun that will drop our romantic boat trip on the lake plan for a “long over-due” night out with the lads? Like please shut up, you all went out on Friday.
I’m always complaining that nice guys don’t exist, but I can admit right now that that is in fact a lie. I know plenty of guys that would be the perfect boyfriend material for me, but I just usually choose their rude, not bothered friends instead. I usually tell the nice guys that they’re like a brother to me, and maybe that is true? I know my brother will never hurt me and always protect me, so am I turned off guys with similar traits to him because I don’t want my boyfriend to resemble my brother? But then why do they say girls usually end up with guys that have similar qualities to their dad? Maybe as we get older we realise these caring, protective men are the better option and we feel safe and secure knowing they have similar qualities to the most important men in our lives?
I have an awful habit of thinking I can be the girl to change a guy, but to be honest I don’t think you can ever change him, nor should you want or need to. If a guy isn’t ready to be with you, commit to you, or provide you with the princess dream you want then I don’t think you can force it. Trust me, I’ve tried. You can give everything you have but sometimes it is just never enough. However, I don’t think we should feel down about this either. You aren’t the problem, but neither is he (that sucks because you both love and hate him, don’t worry girl, I feel ya.) You both just want different things.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m gonna enter the friend zone and attempt to drag some possible love interests back out, some guys I am just genuinely not romantically attracted to, but I’m just saying that being too nice isn’t always a bad thing. I’d rather be with a guy who tries his best to make me feel loved and cared for 100% of the time, than a guy who is being half-hearted towards me 99% of the time and lovely 1%.
Is it time to rethink the friend zone and who has entry into it? I think I need to anyway, because for me personally, in the wise words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman: “I want the fairytale.” I always have, and I know I always will.