The Making And Breaking Of A Heart

No matter the levels of bitterness, the amount of grudges that are being held and the complete regret about some of the things you did leading up to this point… at some point in every woman’s life someone else will have the power to split her heart in half, leaving it frail and empty for a very long time.

I’m not writing this because I’ve recently experienced heartbreak, I haven’t. Thankfully, it’s been quite some time since I’ve stared at my bedroom ceiling overthinking every moment up to this point and then filling my weekends with too many shots, rash decisions, drunken texts and the inevitable Sunday morning fear. The reason I am writing about heartbreak today is because I wanted a topic that every woman reading could relate to. Whether this blog brings you back to a year ago, 10 years ago, pulls at your heart strings right now as you eagerly wait for a text from him, or even if it just prepares you for the future, there is nothing quite like real heartbreak and I hope this post awakens a part of all of you that, just like myself, may have been left dormant for some time.

If you aren’t sure whether you have had your heart broken before, chances are you haven’t. If the word itself doesn’t send memories and his face swirling around in your mind then you have luckily escaped the curse up to this point. I call it a curse, but it is also a blessing to know that your heart is capable of feeling that much. Heartbreak isn’t only noticeable in your own heart, you know which men came and left your girlfriends and took pieces with them. You see the way one person has changed her and no matter how many teary sleepovers and ‘nah never liked him anyway’ comments you make, there will always be a soft spot in her heart dedicated to him even if you want him to remove himself from her life and take residence on the moon.

Heartbreak isn’t checking up on him every two minutes, heartbreak is removing any traces of him from your life because it hurts too much. It’s blocking him on Facebook, but asking him for answers face to face at 1.30am on a messy Saturday night. It’s banning your friends from updating you about his life because you don’t want to know if he went to the zoo last weekend, or if he’s got a new girlfriend or if he’s coping just fine without you. You don’t want to hear about current him, you like seeing the old him – the pictures you kept on your phone, the messages he sent you, something random that is hidden in a box under your bed that brings you back to one ordinary day spent with him that will stay with you forever. You go over all of this whilst blaring the Top 100 Lovesongs of the 80’s and then every album Taylor Swift has ever released. You go from the feeling of Little Mix’s Love Me Or Leave Me to Shout Out To My Ex within a matter of minutes and the most important thing about all of that is, that’s okay. Eventually, Shout Out To My Ex will be a permanent feeling rather than a temporary one.

And as awful as heartbreak is, it really does make you stronger because no matter how many romantic hurdles or minor dating dilemmas you face in the future, it will never quite compare to that one time you wasted a week of your life being a part of your duvet, losing your appetite, questioning your self worth and bursting into tears at any random time while doing any random thing like pouring yourself a glass of orange juice.

I’m not going to tell you you ever really heal because I don’t know that for sure. Your stomach will still do flips when you see him across the street and you will still say ‘Ugh, I hate that guy’ at least once every six weeks even though you don’t really hate him.

However, eventually you will take a good hard look at that blubbering mess from the outside and give yourself a good slap as you are surrounded by millions of people and millions of places and realise life is too short to be wasted crying over the same person over and over again. Lets face it, nobody wants to lie on the chest of a person who’s heart is beating for somebody else. Of course, some songs will still bring you back to a time with him, you may never fully get closure because he doesn’t want to give it to you and you may cringe thinking back to the last thing you said to him in a vodka fueled state while telling him everything you’ve ever felt about him and how much he meant to you. Should we really regret the things we said though? I guess not, because drunken or sober, chances are you meant every word of it because your heart was finally pushed to breaking point. You need to give yourself the power of closure and don’t leave it in his hands because after everything you’ve been through together, no matter how much you loved him or how perfect he seems to your biased heart, maybe you didn’t lose him, maybe he lost you.

Oh, and on a quick side note, if you haven’t experienced any of this yet, it’s only a matter of time before your heart starts acting like a complete and utter intoxicated idiot and ignoring every message your head sends down. I wish you the best of luck!

The Things Disney Never Prepared Us For

Most of us grew up watching and waiting for that perfect man, a pair of glass slippers, some talking animals and fairy godmothers to give us guidance. Yep, I’m still waiting. However, it is clear to me now at 20 years of age that there are many things Disney did not prepare us for..

1. You can’t change the beast
Sure, you can try, but so far I’ve met plenty of Gastons and plenty of Beasts who could use a little editing. Why don’t you text back? Why are you so mean? Why do you go so weird for three weeks straight then appear again? This resulted in f***boy failure and was a complete and utter waste of time. Obviously if he has a castle though, do give it a go.

2. You’re not getting the shoe back
Remember that fab pair of Penneys heels you wore out the other night before you lost one of them after four rounds of tequila shots? Yep, keep them in your memory because you’re never going to see them again. Even if that guy you shifted has your shoe, do you really think he is going to be brave enough to contact you first? You have more of a chance of being contacted by your ex-boyfriend… or the spirit realm. Harsh, yet true.

3. Mother actually does know best
They may not mean it in Tangled, but honestly, she does. I know Flynn Rider was actually a great guy but in general if your mum says a guy is bad news, it’s only a matter of time before you realise she’s right.

4. The Evil Queen is more realistic than Snow White
If there’s a handsome prince in town and you hear that some girl down the road is being called the fairest of them all (she’s also popular with like seven friends while you only have a mirror to chat to, just sayin’) then chances are all that crazy will go to your head so poison apples and a massive castle to plan and plot in will suddenly make sense. Note to self: Boys can drive you crazy so you must invest in a long cape that dramatically flows behind you as you strut around in a crown to remind yourself who you really are.

5. Sleeping your life away isn’t the answer
It turns out a handsome prince doesn’t just turn up and decide he loves you while you’re having a lie in after a night of heavy drinking, you actually have to get out there and find him. Pretty grim, right? Time to download Tinder again, lads.

Donald, Could I Have A Word With You?

Dear Mr Trump,
You don’t know me personally, thank god. In fact, I don’t even live in America, nor have I ever been there. And to be honest, by the sounds of things, with you in power, I doubt I’ll get to visit anytime in the next four years.

Given the figures in your bank account, it is no surprise that you want to make your opinion seem gold plated. You see no wrong in what you are saying, probably because it isn’t directly affecting you or your own lavish lifestyle. However, unlike your numerous buildings and apartments, there is nothing truly gold about your views. As a young woman who is dying to make a positive impact on the world with my hopes and dreams I can only hope your daughters and wife also see this. I hope they feel sick to their stomach as they hear how little respect you have for women and I hope Hillary Clinton was actually the chosen one on their ballot paper. I mean, we don’t tell our dad everything, right?

I hope your sons won’t carry on your legacy in the future with the same views and attitude that you have, and maybe one day the name ‘Trump’ won’t send millions of people into one giant eye roll. Sadly, you aren’t just planning on building one wall, you are building many. You are preventing people of different gender, race and religion from being free. The world may have split into different continents over time, but there is only water between us, not concrete. We all have the right and desire to travel, whether it be for enjoyment, to expand our minds or because we have to run far away from the destruction and unsafety of our own country. You cannot kick everybody out or stop people from coming in because you don’t like them. You are the perfect example that you only need one bad one in a group to ruin things for everybody. If America is so great, shouldn’t everybody be allowed to indulge in this? Isn’t your own wife originally from another country and hasn’t Trump been written across private jets that have flown you in and out of other countries?

Chances are you won’t care about this post, because all I am to you is an ‘eating machine’, an object that is expected to be falling at your feet and a ‘young and beautiful piece of ass’ who you would so lightly decide that you can ‘grab her by the p***y.’
Well Mr Trump, unfortunately, I have news for you. Yes, I am a beautiful woman, but no, you can’t grab any part of me – whether it be my body or my mind. Women have fought too hard for equality to have someone as empty, narcissistic and selfish as you in power, Muslims have already faced enough backlash and criticism by the people unfortunate enough to share your personality traits, people have overcome walls much bigger than the ones you want to build, and people with disabilities have already shown enough bravery and strength to get them through the next four years. 
I believe that someday (although I hope I am wrong) many people in America are going to wake up and laugh nervously at their foolish decisions as they watch their beloved home get sent into a state of despair by your actions.

Although, saying that, walls will be built, but they will be built from the holding of millions of hands that won’t let a man with more money than sense make an entire nation take backwards steps into mass destruction. 

Yours faithfully,
An ambitious and strong young lady who has been raised by a man that Ivanka and Tiffany can only dream of.