I Think He's Gone Weird
General I Think He's Gone Weird

“What if I had in fact slept with The Serial Snapper? What if he didn’t ignore me in Tesco?”

Ever found yourself weak for The Serial Snapper? Trust me, you know this guy – You snap every few months but never have the yellow heart, his SnapScore is about 3 million, he really isn’t arsed about your day, has no intention to meet up with you, suddenly gets very interested in you around 3am, you know all of this… aaaand yep, you probably shifted him on your last night out before the pubs closed. I feel ya.

I was obsessed with the first Serial Snapper I ever encountered. Something about the way he didn’t want me and would ignore me when I saw him with his mates had me maddddd for him. Anyways, I think it was sometime around the day that he told me he wouldn’t settle down until he was at least 30 that had me rethinking my future plans with him. Also the 49 times I saw him shifting other women on the dancefloor after leaving me on opened the night before were giving me SLIGHT red flags. Aaaaand his classic: “Back in a minute, just have to find my friend!” line he would use to do a runner on a night out. Well, his mate must have been having a cuppa with Mr. Tumnus because I didn’t bloody see him after all his looking over the 18 month period.

It was after the arrival of Serial Snapper number two (No friend in a wardrobe here, he would just avoid eye contact completely!!) and my borderline emotional breakdown when he didn’t reply one morning that made me cop myself on a little. Before throwing my phone off the wall, I really had to ask myself: “Am I reallyyy going to marry this guy?” He then snapped me that evening but I had already slagged him off in the group chat so the wedding bells really became drowned out by the sound of reality.

The Serial Snapper usually becomes a “Lol remember him?” story. And quite often, a “What if?” What if I had in fact slept with The Serial Snapper? What if he didn’t ignore me in Tesco? What if he shaved off his beard? What if his friend really is missing? What if I wasn’t such an idiot 678 Saturday nights in a row? So many “What if’s?”, not enough “What are we?”

Yep, you know the guy. I also know that you’re currently rooting for sexy pjs and planning to sleep with mascara on just incase your Snapchat buzzes at midnight… good luck to ya hun, he’ll be back to Narnia in no time…

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