I Think He's Gone Weird
General I Think He's Gone Weird

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he eventually finds it on MSN, the email address he had when he was 12, or in the postbox of his distant relatives he’s never met…”

Every girl has that big hurt. So much so, that as you read that line you could probably picture him instantly. Oh, I feel ya hun. In my case, my friends and I call him “Lord Voldemort” because he is he who shall not be named. He is definitely not a Saturday brunch topic.

I don’t know what causes such a deep hurt, but I do know it’s important to mute him on Insta. I don’t know how one lad manages to turn me into a complete lunatic, but I need to avoid stairs when he’s around incase I come down them backwards like the gal in the Exorcist. When I watched that film, it never crossed my mind that some fella might have ignored six of her texts.

Seriously though, we all have that one guy, right? Commitment phobe? Less cool version of Chuck Bass? Likes you when you’re happy out and living your best life? Makes you think it’s finally your time before doing a classic him move again? Yeah, ISN’T HE JUST THE BEST. He’s your “I hate that guy!” swiftly followed by “Ah crap, my friends are going to kill me!” while you search his floor for your common sense and your newest €1.50 Penneys lace thong. It never ends well, and I would say God loves a trier, but honestly he’s probs sick of my sh*t too. I know I am.

If his name is like a tiny little dagger being fired at your gut, I feel for you because honestly I can relate on so many levels. I once sent this guy an angry message on every single social platform out there when he was ignoring me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he eventually finds it on MSN, the email address he had when he was 12, or in the postbox of his distant relatives he’s never met. I covered all my options… and he still ignored me…

You know this guy, he might object at your wedding, but definitely won’t send you a group snap tomorrow. And somehow that logic just makes sense to you. Don’t waste any more tears on him, cry at the stories I post on here instead, because trust me, there’s been some bloody classics. I’m talking Bridget Jones chasing Mark Darcy in the cold whilst in her knickers kinda cringe. Love my life. Fair play to him for always braving the shift, my god was it always followed by a hurricane…

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