I Think He's Gone Weird

Fox Tales: Guys Before Twisty Fries?

It was a normal Wednesday morning for Frankie – Hair in a hun bun and makeup free. She headed into town to do some shopping before starting work. She could afford to look like the offspring of Shrek and Gollum simply because it was unlikely she would see anyone of extreme significance. Or so she thought…

The morning was going great, she did her usual River Island browse before heading to Penneys to see if she could find anything similar on the 3 euro rail. Unfortunately she was out of luck this time and just ended up with a basket of reduced makeup she definitely didn’t need. To reward herself for not buying too much, she decided to treat herself to a sneaky Maccy D’s. Although she wasn’t a major fan, she couldn’t resist a plain hamburger and mozzarella sticks. At least she was planning to keep the order at that, until she spotted twisty fries and had a sudden McFlurry craving. Her order soon escalated to one that would feed a family of five and she felt absolutely no shame. Not an ounce. Or so she thought, again…

She scrolled through Instagram as she waited for her order – Selfies, unrealistic makeup pictures, gym she never went back to, bloggers being exposed, nothing was phasing her, until, outside of the phone something grabbed her attention – That voice. The familiar voice of Kyler Clarke. “Can I have a Big Mac please?” She didn’t want to look up, she couldn’t face it, so she just stared at his feet for a few seconds instead. Her mind was in overdrive – New runners, not too shabby, although khaki was never really his colour. She knew she had to look up, she had to face her demons after months. This was the moment to be the strong independent woman she told everyone she was after he chucked her away like yesterday’s free paper.

She lifted her head nervously and found him staring straight at her. “I was thinking it was you, not many girls with purple hair around the place” he laughed. She really wanted to answer “Well I had to spice it up after you broke my heart you pr*ck” but she thought she better keep her cool for the sake of the kids enjoying Happy Meals behind her. She didn’t have words to express, so for some reason she just snorted instead while trying to laugh. Honestly, at this point she was considering just climbing into one of the bins and sacrificing herself to Ronald McDonald as if it was the drain from IT.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, the girl behind the counter decided to fill the awkward silence by calling out her order: “Two plain hamburgers, mozzarella sticks, twisty fries, nuggets, an Oreo mcflurry and a large Fanta?” This was Frankie’s order, but she couldn’t admit to that in that moment as he stood beside her like a God who had no visible emotional scarring after losing her, so she just stared at the ceiling obliviously instead as the girl stared at her and said “Erm excuse me, this is your order?” Oh bloody hell. “Me? Oh no sorry there’s been a mistake, that’s not my order.” By this stage everyone was staring, including him. “Are you sure it isn’t your order, you love plain hamburgers?” “This is her order” she repeated, clearly a little annoyed by this stage, which Frankie totally understood, but she was also hoping she would pick up on the female telepathic vibes she was sending out. She didn’t, she was bloody useless. “How odd, I ordered a Caesar salad and bottle of water.” She hoped she was fooling him, but the only person she was fooling was herself. It was pretty damn obvious that she had gained at least two extra chins from comfort eating and any time spent with him in the past always ended up in tears with a side of fried food. He already had his burger but seemed to be waiting to see how this situation played out… weren’t they all, Frankie included.

After going back and forth for about seven minutes, the woman finally handed her a salad and bottle of water. Frankie looked at Kyler again, trying to avoid eye contact that might break her, and stuttered the sentence “Anyway, I better head off or I’m not going to make it to the gym!” Lie. Another bloody lie. She was upchucking fib after fib and couldn’t help herself. “Cool, see you soon, yeah?” “Definitely!” She legged it out the door, ran down an alley, dumped her salad and hyperventilated a little before starting to dissect the meaning of “see you soon” with the girls in the group chat. Just a normal Wednesday morning, right?

Want to read more?