I Think He's Gone Weird

Fox Tales: Spirits With A Ghost

She doesn’t know how or why, but somehow Frankie ended up at a party with her latest ghost. She knew the girls were going to kill her for being such a weakling, therefore, she planned to keep it under wraps for as long as possible. Possibly even forever if she ended up kissing him, which she was 99% sure she would. Her willpower was at an all time low, ranging somewhere between -75 and -100. As long as she could stay away from him all night, she didn’t expect it to drop anywhere below this (but luckily she had shaved her legs that morning.) The room was dotted with people she knew, the most alarming being this man in the kitchen, the one who had ghosted her after four very nice dates. Fair enough the last date was at the cinema and the film was a horror, but she didn’t expect their spark to follow suit. Needless to say, this was her love life, so it did. After plans were made to see each other again, he quickly became a brick wall before a complete ghost. Nothing ended sour, it just seemed to fizzle out, but she was still unsure how he would cope around her.

A few glances back and forth were exchanged before he starting making his way over to her. She had a quick battle with herself: “Oh god, oh god, do not say anything weird. DO NOT say anything weird.” As soon as he landed in front of her, things couldn’t have gone much weirder than the way she said hello. She wasn’t quite sure what had happened to her voice in that moment, but it had bounced between about 14 different levels and ended with a nervous gulp. Luckily he managed to remain calm, a few giggles were shared and they made their way back to his for a drink. “One second, just gonna run to the loo!” Upon arrival, Frankie legged it into the bathroom in a complete panic. After adjusting her boobs for 30 seconds, she decided to quickly FaceTime Jess. Mainly because she knew Jess would approve of her going home with him, the rest of her friends would talk complete logic and sense, the last thing she needed when her legs were like the ones on a Venus ad, the rest of her body glowing with Sally Hansen and her boobs were raised to her chin. Jess reacted as expected: “Go for it, what’s the worst that could happen?”  “True!” Frankie quickly ended the call. She knew it wasn’t really true at all though, a lot of bad things could happen e.g. Ghosting round two, or having a go at him the next time she drank wine. Despite all the warning signs, she headed back downstairs, vodka and blackcurrant in one hand and her clutch bag in the other. She was walking with a spirit to see her ghost, but it was fine, she just had to have a little willpower and a lot of sense.

“Oh bloody hell!” She thought as she walked into the room to what she could only describe as a Calvin Klein model. She instantly knew it was game over. On top of that, she wish she had known she would see him tonight so she could have started to de-bloat three days previous. They started kissing, backing onto a couch, at which point she wanted to look sexy and model-esque, so she slowly slid her clutch bag over the gap between her crop top and skirt in an attempt to hide her wobbliest wobbly bit. They were now the bread in a €9 Penneys clutch sandwich, she had never known romance like it. Well, er, it could have done with a few slight adjustments, but in today’s society she knew that beggars can’t be choosers.

Moments passed, although she was a bit too distracted to appreciate the extent of the drunken magic. She thought about many things – whether she had anything in her teeth after eating 45 cocktail sausages earlier in the night, whether he would make a good husband, she even wondered whether she had turned off her straighteners before she left. Somewhere around 17 of these thoughts in, Frankie decided to drop her bombshell… wandering hands had triggered a revolution. She pushed him off, he looked at her, understandably confused and asked: “What?” An awkward pause followed, and then she explained: “Sorry, I can’t do this!” Whether her belly was wobbly or not, and no matter how much she possibly had in her teeth, she was trying to be perfection for a man who had no interest in pursuing her until he saw her again tonight. She had two options – She could stay for a few hours of fun, or walk away now and make it home in time for the Shining on Film4 at 1:00. Using her Venus ad legs, she lifted herself off the couch and left the house. She knew she was bound to be ghosted again, but this time she really didn’t mind. The girls did though, they bloody killed her for reaching level ‘Penneys clutch sandwich’ without their approval.


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