Rant Of The Week: Do We Hoard Men Like Clothes?

I have many loves in my life- two of these being fashion and the male species. Needless to say, fashion is the more reliable choice, not once have I been hurt by Louis, Christian, Ralph or Giorgio (because I can’t afford them) so instead I settle for more affordable, shorter lasting clothing. Do we do the same with men? Do we settle for high street men in a world full of designer?

If you stare into my wardrobe you will be faced with an unorganised wall of colour, nothing is sorted, nothing is colour coordinated, the skirts aren’t only with the skirts and my tops aren’t all hung up. I think I can say the same about my relationship wardrobe. A build up of unnecessary, unorganised clutter. I’m no fashionista when it comes to my relationship wardrobe, which is a shame because I’m so picky when it comes to actual clothes. You don’t still wear baggy flared jeans and studded belts in 2015, so why are you still trying to make this relationship work when it has long gone out of style?

For example, the trusty little black dress is saved for very special nights out, and in terms of men we all have a LBD. He makes an appearance occasionally, but will never be worn during the day. He brings you such happiness short-term, but he is the center of all your relationship problems.

Despite all the warning signs, you know that little black number, you trust that little black number, it goes with every pair of shoes and is always a back-up plan when all else fails. You constantly go shopping and spot an endless array of little black dresses, this seasons dresses, all new and beautiful and ready to make you happy, but you don’t purchase. You just admire from afar because you’re afraid to throw away your old one even though it only makes you feel like shit the next day and won’t pop up again until you need another last minute solution.

Your friends are all sick of the same dress being worn over and over again when you deserve a new one, so when will you chuck out the old one? Is the little black dress really as perfect and reliable as we think? Or does it stink of old tan and scream poor decisions?

Equally, we all have that dress we’ve never ever worn. Is it cute? Is it too clingy? We just aren’t quite sure what to make of it. Would this look weird on? Could it ever replace my LBD? Great sense of humour but you don’t really have any real feelings for each other, it’s more of a small sexual attraction. “Hmmm, maybe my fashion sense will change in time and I’ll try you on then,” or so we tell ourselves. This mystery man that you know you will never ever go for is taking up valuable wardrobe space.

Let’s look at shoes for a moment. We all have a pair of heels we are completely head over heels in love with, yet they’re dangerous. For me, it’s my yellow heels. Don’t get me wrong, they look great on and I know there’s plenty of girls eyeing them up, but I can’t walk in them at all and I always think they’re a good idea until they start hurting me again. You know they are just taking up room but you’re so determined to change them and show off their perfection.

Realistically, will my yellow heels ever stop hurting me? No, because it’s all in their design. They were built that way and my feet can’t handle it so maybe they were made to fit someone else. However, the thought of another girl wearing those heels completely pain free kills me because I love them so much so there they are, placed on a pedestal which they really do not deserve to be on whatsoever. Even if your comments are completely and 100% factual, only I’m allowed to insult my yellow heels.

How many pairs of high heels have you been defending recently? Take off the shoes, they’re more trouble than they’re worth.

So in reality, do we hoard men like clothes? Do you have a whole romantic past shoved into one tiny wardrobe? If so, is yours full of things that really have gone out of fashion? Is it time to get rid of the things that are damaged and the things that don’t fit anymore? I think this wardrobe is also called the comfort zone, and someday we all need to realise that it’s time to close the door on that one for good and invest in some new furniture altogether.

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