Dear fragile heart,
I know you’re young, I am too. You think everything is the end of the world when really it hasn’t even started. At this point you’re probably pretending to love the taste of vodka even though you’re secretly hoping to be back home drinking tea with your dad by half 12. You probably think your dress clings in all the wrong places and you think you’re the only young woman in the world to have randomly developed stretch marks. Don’t worry, you’re not.
You’re worried about next year and your life purpose. Go to college if you genuinely want to go to college, but don’t feel you have to just to follow your friends. You will meet many new ones along the way, in the most random of places. Laugh, see the world, start a blog. Follow your passion, not your past. If you choose to take a different route to everyone else, you will feel lost for a while. Don’t worry, this is normal, but inner peace will find you. Your path has already been set out for you, you just have to follow the map your gut is holding. You will learn to budget and learn to drive. Both of which are equally scary and both of which I still have yet to fully master.
You may find yourself in a toxic relationship. This man is supposed to love you and will constantly leave you feeling lonely. He will tell you not to wear that dress you love because he doesn’t think it looks nice, and as you blend your makeup in front of his bedroom mirror, tears will fill your eyes. No matter what, you have to wear the dress. One man’s opinion of you does not define you and you will soon realise that you cannot settle for the man who thinks you’re anything less than the most beautiful presence in the room. Use your voice, it may intimidate him, but the right man will love that side of you, he will not try to change the power you hold in your heart. And please, please don’t be afraid to walk away from him. Trust me, it doesn’t feel like it now, but being alone is better than feeling lonely beside him. No matter what your mind tells you, his behaviour is not normal and it certainly isn’t real love. In a few years time that dress will hang in your wardrobe as a reminder, a strong symbol of your inner strength, and it will never fail to make you smile or remind you what you stand for. Until then, you have to experience the sadness that comes with letting go, but it won’t be long before fresher air fills your lungs and you realise how much you have missed being able to breathe.
You will meet women who will try to pull you down. Keep going, keep doing you. Some will be disguised as friends and some will not try to mask their intentions. None of this will matter in a few years. Make time for the ones who fight your corner and encourage you to chase your dreams. Live for the ones who hype you up in the girl’s bathrooms and the ones who aren’t afraid or too threatened to tell you they think you look beautiful. Be the woman you would love to have supporting you. Don’t feed into the rest of it, drama only brings negativity and bad feeling. Walk away from people who you can’t truly be yourself around and don’t believe everything you hear either, you have to make your own decisions and listen to your gut. Oh, and no matter how “popular” or “cool” you may be told he is, he’s not worth falling out over. Don’t sacrifice sleepovers and friendship bracelets for a boy who isn’t going to be here in 15 years when she’s standing in a bridesmaid dress at your wedding. Hug it out and start again, life is just too short.
You will come face to face with unrequited love. There will be that boy. He will consume your heart and make you a little bit crazy. You will try and try again, and you will love every part of him even if he doesn’t love himself. You will lay under the stars, his touch will always be gentle and his kiss will make you feel alive. Sadly, no matter how hard you try to show him what he means to you, he will just never really get it. Do not waste nights with your girlfriends crying over a boy who cannot be stirred by your tears. When it all falls apart you will grieve his absence for a very long time, but someday something will click. You will always hold him close to your heart because he was the man who truly taught you how to feel, but you will erase any desperation and take back your unwanted love to safely store it for somebody deserving later on. You may not meet anyone quite like him today, or tomorrow, but someday you will know that your angels were always keeping you apart for a reason because another smile will catch your eye, and even if he doesn’t end up being your forever, this man will get it. Don’t shut off your heart, it is beating with too much fire and raw love. You aren’t unlovable, there is probably just greater love you have yet to discover. Let it go, love yourself and don’t beat yourself up about every ‘what if’. Give your heart a rest, you did everything you could.
Someday, you will crave adventure. Let this inspire you. Buy a polaroid, book a city break and get that new piercing. Be amazed by culture and history. Most of the above problems will someday seem irrelevant as you realise your adventure has only just started. Dream of far away places and let them motivate you. Write down your desires, remember that everything happens for a reason, and believe in something. Whether it is angels or just a feeling, you have to have something to soften the blow when you fall. Yes this will happen, numerous times. Dust yourself down, dye your hair, and keep it moving. Don’t forget that the grass isn’t always greener though, until you can experience a different way, learn to love where you are now, an appreciation for home will always make coming back feel like an adventure. When things seem average, remember that many people far away are dreaming of being on your doorstep.
That little bit of thigh cellulite is your weekly cocktail date with the girls, that hole in your bank balance is the pair of shoes that balance, lift and carry you where you want to go, and the text you regret sending at 3am on a Saturday night was probably your heart and emotions being set free, or even just a funny story to tell your future daughter when she is crying over a broken heart. Speak your truth and make it heard. Your passions will add to positive changes in the world so don’t let anyone convince you that being a powerful woman is a flaw. You are not full of yourself, at the end of the day, if you don’t love yourself, who will?
Above all, do not feel guilty for living a life that makes you happy. People will judge who you are and the choices you make, but the right people will fall in love with everything you have to offer and the woman you are becoming. And unfortunately, love will knock you down several times before you learn the importance of loving yourself, this is a guaranteed step towards personal growth. Laugh it off and keep going, your soul will experience brighter days than this one.
Lots of love,
The young woman who is still smiling xx
P.S. Unfollow pages that make you feel bad about yourself, drink more water, and buy a pair of jeans that actually fit you. You can thank me later.