Tuesday, 10 January 2017

My 21st Year

Firstly, to anybody reading this post and thinking 'where on earth has she been?' Well my sincerest apologies but it's not you, it's me. I have not forgotten all of The Fox Files followers, everything has just been all go! I have missed you all of course as I'm sure you have all missed me. Okay, please stop crying now though. Pull yourself together, I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable...

As Christmas has now ended and we have entered 2017, everything has quietened down and I finally have a chance to focus on my blog fully again. Yay! And trust me, you have no idea how amazing it feels! Over the past few weeks I didn't only celebrate Christmas and welcome 2017, I also reached a major milestone in my life - turning 21. So basically this time next year I'm going to be passionately singing 22 at the top of my lungs but not making any millions from it or dating Tom Hiddleston or Harry Styles. Well, not that I know of...

When you reach 21, I don't think life dramatically changes. That's 21 years of my sarcastic humour, hot headed temper, numerous insecurities and the inability to grasp how to do fractions... and even though this should be the year where I have my life the most figured out to date, the opposite could not be more true. I still wake up on the occasional Sunday morning with my makeup still on and a half eaten kebab on my bedside locker (I usually just eat all of the meat out of it and conk, anyone else?) I still promise myself I will start a diet every Monday morning, I am still falling in and out of love, both with other people and myself, and I still haven't a clue where I see myself career wise 10 years down the line.

Are your twenties really your selfish years? Yes, to a certain extent, I think so. I like to think there is a possibility I could be sitting on a plane this time next month flying into a major European city that I booked last minute, and I think there is something incredibly calming about not knowing who you could meet tomorrow and having the freedom to do you. To be honest, as a girl who loves the feeling of being settled, having a routine and feeling at home, it is only as I was approaching 21 that I started to become unsettled at the thought of having a proper routine so soon. Maybe I do like the feeling of a certain amount of uncertainty after all.

I think for so long I was waiting for a moment, for something major to happen and for my whole life to fall into place. However, in my 21st year I have decided that for this moment to arrive, I have to live all the others too so this will shine in comparison. I don't think I need to know what I'm doing right now, I think I need to enjoy the uncertainty of it. This year I plan to book a holiday and work my ass off. My feet won't touch the ground because honestly, I don't think they need to just yet. My head is okay in the clouds for the time being because when it is time for me to come down I think life will grab me by the ankles and land me exactly where I'm supposed to be, when I'm supposed to be there. 

Is it even possible to know who you are at 21? How can I know the answer to that when I haven't been to enough places or met enough people? Is it selfish of me to become emotionally attached to handbags, online shopping, nights out, tea dates, and my list of goals for the future? If so, is that kind of selfish really a bad thing? Life didn't dramatically change when I hit 21, I've just decided to start embracing it more rather than waiting for a single moment.

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year, and thank you all for the lovely birthday wishes, I had a fab day!

Xx



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