1. Doing the 'Last Active' Math
If only our math teachers could see us now they would seriously reconsider all of those bad grades they gave us. Do we need algebra in everyday life? No. Do we need to know the time frame between when he was last active on Facebook, when he last text us back and when he posted his Snapchat story? Well, duh. Priorities.
2. Social Media Stalking Skills
I can't remember what I had for breakfast but I can tell you that his ex-girlfriends Paris pictures start on the 27th line of her Insta account. He also liked 3 of the pictures, not that I'm counting or care or anything. Don't even get me started on her Facebook profilers...
3. The 'I'm trying to play it cool but I'm actually about to have a breakdown' Laugh
Oh my god that story about your new love interest is so funny and doesn't bother me at all hahahahahahateyouhahahahaha.
4. Evil Plotting
So far I'm a detective, mathematician, slightly emotionally unstable, and you can now add evil genius to that list too. Just gonna smile at my phone here while texting my mum so you get suspicious and also gonna put up a Snapchat story of me having the ultimate lols, or none at all to add the element of mystery and make you think my life is a lot more hectic and exciting than it actually is. Might drop you a random group snap here and there, but then again I might not. And yes, my contour was on point in that last Insta selfie and a boy that isn't related to me liked it, so please proceed to eat your heart out. Mojo Jojo who?
5. Interrogating His Squad
Gonna subtly squeeze important information out of his friends like lemons, until they say something that I don't want to hear and the conversation suddenly isn't as fun anymore. Plz don't do this to me Dave.