Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Creeping On Him: The Aftermath

So after lots of things were said and done, life is still going on around you and everything is fine, until of course you hit the wall.

After weeks of him being hidden from all your social media accounts you decide to do what any average heartbroken girl does... creep. 99% of the time of course this ends in nothing but heart failure and a trip to the kitchen to see what you have to ease the pain of what you found, which was of course another girl lurking on his profile somewhere in the photos or comments where your name used to be. Dairy milk and a whole jar of nutella it is!

Here is what I see as the stages of the aftermath of the habit we are all guilty of...

1. Shock 
What? Is he delusional? Who is this girl? Where did she come from all of a sudden? He better not invite me to their wedding or I will literally vom on the invitation.


2. Check mutual friends
Him and random people I went to Lourdes with a few years ago. Oh, great. Well I can't exactly ask him what she's like and I haven't seen them since we got off the bus in like 2012...


3. Self-hatred
Am I an idiot? Why would I go creeping? Who willingly throws themselves into lava? I cannot believe I was considering following him again!


4. Jump to ridiculous conclusions
Oh my god I bet he was always interested in her! Ew, has she been sleeping on my side of the bed? Oh my GOD did I just add her by accident?!


5. Turn to trusty girl squad
Yes, you guys are so right, I am probably so much funnier than her. Love ya huns xx


6. Get angry at trusty girl squad
*Weeks ago* "Don't tell me ANYTHING about his life, no matter how important!!"
*Now* "How could you guys not tell me this important thing about his life??"


7.  Reminisce on the good times
Okay that was a lovely thirty seconds but there's no point dwelling on the past...


8. Listen to Taylor Swift's Clean 
Do this at least fifteen times before putting on your favourite outfit and listening to more empowering music with your sister...


9. Climb out of the past lover shaped bubble
Woah, on a planet with 7 billion people who knew there was a whole world of men out there who actually want to treat me right...


10. Get through facing him in person for the first time 
Hiya, only me, same jelly-belly, still emotionally unstable, still a psychotic bitch, still not in anyway supermodel material and still psychologically damaged by Disney Movies... so how's the girlfriend? Make sure you introduce her to your friends soon, they're a great bunch of lads!

"I don't get it?" "And you never did."

So ladies, there you have it, moving on rule number one - Creeping is never EVER an option! Oh, actually, rule number two - neither is singing Hopelessly Devoted To You at the top of your voice over and over again while home alone in your pyjamas, been there my friend...

2 comments:

  1. Haha still a crazy, psychotic bitch, love it! I am so guilty of this, in fact I just bloody did it before I saw your post on Instagram and now I'm feeling very ashamed of myself. Just can't help it, I love a lurk!

    sheepishlyshameful.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Hahaha aw that made me laugh! Oh god I'm the same though, must learn how to resist :P

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