Sunday, 25 June 2017

Find Yourself First

I was never the type of girl who would put a pause on the arrival of Prince Charming. In fact, I would regularly play made up romantic situations in my head and wait for the day he would finally come along and sweep me off my feet. Today, as I am staring out the window of my tower, or should I say bedroom, I can confirm that that day has still not arrived. Don’t get me wrong, potential ones have come and gone but there was none that made it to the end, none of them braved the dragon and stuck around long enough to save me. Quite often it turned out the ones who got the closest ended up being the ones that needed to be saved and the door was shut on us before I could even try to enter.

As I got older, the hopeless romantic in me did not die, and she is still there - a part of me waiting for the day my dream will finally come true and I will meet the man of my dreams, the man I always talked about meeting and the one who would stay with me and would finally be my happy ending. And don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to that because it is not a weakness to want to spend your life with a man that loves you. I still firmly believe that happy endings don’t only exist in fairytales. However, during this time of growing up I realised how extremely difficult finding that love can be. Having a heart that is ready to give and take means it is out there, completely vulnerable and able to get hurt. It is this heart that so many people hide away for that reason, they shut their heart off from being accessed so that it remains in a perfect condition. Again, having a heart like mine isn’t a weakness, and trust me, it may not look so perfect anymore, there are plenty of cuts and bruises from the poor handling by other people who did not care enough to properly look after the most valuable part of me.

As you grow up and try to find yourself, I can guarantee you at least once you will wonder “What is wrong with me?” You will not be able to comprehend why your friends have boyfriends and you don’t, or why things never work out for you or why that one person you would change the world for always leaves you high and dry. And then the worst thing happens in the world... your heart will get broken. And when I say broken I mean really broken like never before. The mention of his name will send shockwaves through you and your only chance of survival will seem to be cutting him out of your life and hoping you don’t bump into him when you’re running into a shop or on a night out. You will cry, you will hurt and you will hate - You will hate everyone’s advice and you will hate yourself for not hating him.

After a while your heart will begin to heal itself because time changes everything, you will realise how strong you can be, but you will also get used to not feeling good enough, more men will come and go and you will come to terms with the feeling of loneliness. You get your hopes up and go on dates and end up back where you started because right now you believe that you are the damsel in distress, struggling to survive by yourself and thinking it will be this way forever. Trust me, I know.

Then, out of the blue, something will set in your mind. Right now I don’t have a boyfriend to call when I’m sad or to watch new films with, and I don’t have a man’s name to put in my Instagram bio. Right now I have to fill the empty part of my heart myself, because maybe this spot isn’t reserved for someone else. Maybe there is something missing in my heart but it is adventure and new experiences. Maybe I’m the only person who can really push myself to do things and if I happen to meet Prince Charming along the way then so be it. Maybe waiting for Prince Charming is our greatest downfall because he isn’t waiting at all, he is out there living, writing the stories that he will tell us when he happens to stumble across us and our souls collide on top of a mountain in Asia or in a random coffee shop on a Tuesday afternoon, somewhere in Europe. Maybe when we stop looking for Prince Charming we will find ourselves, the person we really need to find. 

Giving somebody else the power to save you will only kill you in the long run. Finding love is exciting, but waiting for love isn’t. In order to fall you have to be in a risky situation, so why should falling in love be any different? Timing is everything. Fill that empty space in your heart with living - with happiness, with laughter, with risks, with new places and new experiences and maybe, when your heart is overflowing with a love of life and you are writing your own happy ending, maybe you will be lucky enough to stumble across the other half of your soul and he will tag along with you on the rest of your adventures.


Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Inglot Roadshow

It has been over a week since I went to the Inglot Roadshow in the Clonmel Park Hotel and I had such a lovely day so I have decided to sit down and blog about it.



Firstly, if you're thinking of going to one of the Roadshows you should definitely do it.  Tickets were only €15 and it was on from 2-5pm. I have wanted to go for ages because I obviously love makeup, and when the day finally came around I was so excited. I went with my friend Emma as she is as makeup mad as I am. I also bumped into my lovely makeup artist friends Donna and Catriona, hadn't seen them in aaages! So nice to catch up.






When we got there the queue was insane and we saw Jane walking around with her phone snapping us all, so the excitement really started to set in then. We were seated in the second row and had an amazing view of the stage, and they also had tv screens set up around the room which was so handy if you couldn't see the stage properly.

The Inglot makeup artists that were there were Maria Murphy, Ellie McDonough, Niamh Cleary, Lorna Ryan and Keilidh Cashell. They each ran through a different demo and it was so great to learn their tips and see their individual tricks and how they all do things that bit differently. It just shows how makeup really is an art that lets your own creativity shine through! I don't want to give too much away incase you do want to go because it was exciting not knowing what to expect on the day.

There was also a Q&A and Jane Swarbrigg came on stage to chat to us all too. I was so glad Jane was there because she was so inspiring with how she has grown Inglot here in Ireland but she was still so down to earth and approachable which I think is so important if you are in business, especially when you are largely appealing to an audience of younger females. During the Q&A I asked them their favourite products to achieve dewy skin and they all advised the SPF Primer and the Face Mist, they all seemed to really rely on these for that glowing, summer skin look. I have bought the Face Mist since, can't wait to try it. 


Afterwards we could have a chat to all the girls and have our foundation and brows matched. I got a HD tester because I needed a new night out foundation and ended up buying one recently when I was in Dublin - in love! I was so delighted with how the Inglot girls were, they were all so friendly and real. There was no competition in the air, they were all so genuine and happy to help and advise which says so much for the company. Apart from their amazing products, this is a huge factor which keeps me coming back to Inglot, the way the girls talk to you is so refreshing because you feel like you're getting advice from a friend rather than feeling clueless and as if you're a nuisance when you ask lots of questions. 




While the girls were doing the matching, we had the opportunity to chat to Jane and Keilidh. I have to say I got wayyyy too excited meeting Keilidh, fangirl moment! I was even a bit nervous to go up to her. What I love about her is how she is so quirky and creative with her talent, she really expresses herself however she wants to and I idolise that about her. She is also so funny and relatable. Yes, she also hugged me... just me who's still excited?!


So there you go, my thoughts on the Inglot Roadshow. I would actually love to do the day all over again. If you're thinking of going to the next round of Roadshows, definitely go! It was so affordable, I learned so much, I got to meet some really inspirational ladies and it was such a lovely girly day out with my best friend Emma because we are both passionate about it. We love makeup, don't think our bank accounts do though! I now have all the notes I took down in the booklet they gave us to refer back to, products to look into and details on the favourite products of the MUAs present on the day.

Anyone want to drive me to my closest Inglot store, nah?!

Happy makeup shopping and tutorial watching xx

Friday, 2 June 2017

Rant Of The Week: Dublin And Doubts

Despite being the most loud and in your face person, simple things such as ordering a cup of tea in an unfamiliar cafe by myself used to send a fear through me which was worse than three Sundays in a row over the party season. It is only the past year or so that I have started to be more independent and face things by myself. The scariest of this was probably this week when I went up to an event in Dublin by myself, something I never would have done before. It may sound weird to some people, but whenever I go anywhere I usually follow my sister around like an annoying puppy and leave her to do all the organising, I think this was because whenever we were young she was always the one in charge.

Anyway, sister-less yet stylish, off I went and well, lets just say, I'm still here to write this post, aren't I? I started the day off with a fab skirt and my Fenella necklace to set my day off with an empowering Carrie Bradshaw vibe. I mean, at no point in Sex and the City do I remember Carrie sitting on a bus eating cheestrings, but hey, I'm here to spice things up a little. Also, Carrie could walk properly in her heels, I on the other hand could not, but I'll tell you more about that later.




My mum dropped me off to the bus at 8am and I did my usual thing where I use humour to mask my insecurities - "Thanks mum, I'll text you later, if I ever get there and don't end up somewhere else!" were the words that came out of my mouth, but in reality my head was shouting "YOU GAVE BIRTH TO ME AND ARE JUST GOING TO LET ME RUN LOOSE IN A CITY ALONE AT 21??? WHAT IF I DO END UP SOMEWHERE ELSE, DO YOU HAVE A SOLID PLAN OF ACTION WITH HOW WE WILL DEAL WITH IT?" I then proceeded to ask her 15 times if I was getting on the right bus, and she was quick to remind me that the big "Dublin" sign on the front slightly gave it away. Oh. 

So when I got on the bus I was quite comfortable because the bus driver was very friendly and I actually had packed cheestrings for the journey. I didn't even need to worry about my iPhone's crappy battery because my mum gave me her iPod (my one is broken and I can't travel without music.) So anyway, I dozed off listening to Jason Mraz, Bruno Mars, Keane, Lionel Richie, the occasional Christmas Song and Kenny Rogers (thanks mum) when I was in a complete dreamlike state. All was fine until the crucial bus moment -  a moment that still turns my cheeks bright red with embarrassment. I woke up, face squashed up to the window, mouth wide open, the possibility of a little bit of dribble sliding down the window, and I turned to my left, looked out the window to see a school bus of kids staring back, waving at me. WAVING AT ME WHILE I WAS ASLEEP. There they were, watching me dream about Kenny Rogers. They were, in the words of Peter Kay, bold as brass. If they took pictures and I end up getting turned into a meme, I am so done! Right, unfortunately I can feel my cheeks starting to heat up again. MOVING ON. 

After that minor inconvenience, everything got much worse to be really bloody honest. My beautiful heels were squashing my feet and I was unable to balance my body because all my weight seemed to be falling onto my toes - 47 cheestrings later and it's safe to say I had several regrets, I was definitely lighter when I got on the bus. I was half tempted to google "How to lose cheestring weight quickly" but, as usual, my signal was so bad. The worst part about stumbling in heels? Trying to play it cool when you know very well at least five people are waiting in anticipation for you to face plant the rain soaked street. Yes, I know, the weather has been fab all week, not when I decided to go to Dublin though. On top of all this I was trying to make sure people didn't think there was a full moon in Dublin at 11am when my skirt kept creeping upwards. Excuse me skirt, I kindly brought you into my life, so can you not? 

I then got lost after using the toilet, I was completely thrown, my plans to be there by just after 11:00 were soon blurring into 12:00 on my watch and I had no idea where I was going. Google Maps told me many times that I had reached my location, but that was 100% wrong unless my location was supposed to be some (probably drunk) man who kept saying "You're breaking my heart!" Eventually though, I arrived at the event... This heartbreaker was in the building, bitchesss. I also had a fabulous time and all was absolutely splendid - so many laughs were had and so much style to indulge in! 

I took off my heels when it was over and ended up happily breezing through the city for the next hour or so completely pain and stress free. I even got a spot on the bus home I wanted, which I had been panicking about earlier too. However, of course, this being a day in the life of Fenella Fox, mirroring a chapter of Bridget Jones Diary, I got off the bus ready to pop into another event and managed to land in a puddle that splattered mud all over my bare, freshly shaved legs. The only positive of this was it probably evened out my week long tan which was now just half fading chunks. Sun kissed always turns into sun vomit eventually and there I was trying to balance whilst I wiped clean one leg, unable to sit on the bench beside me which was empty apart from the remains of when the heavens had opened a few minutes before. 

Did I survive travelling alone? Yes! Could I do it again? Definitely! Would I do it again? Not until Google Maps gets its life together - Mate, we weren't even kind of close to where we needed to be. I also wouldn't use the loo again because it threw me off and I lost all sense of direction when I took a right into that cubicle of doom. Don't get me wrong, adventures are endless excitement and the highlight of our lives, but there's no place like home! Saying that though, risky days often turn out to be our proudest memories and of course I feel so proud of myself now because I did it, even though I doubted myself to begin with. 

Friday, 26 May 2017

Foxy Fashion - May 2017

Hey guys!

I have a bit of an announcement to make *drum roll or something dramatic anyway* I have decided to do a new fashion section on my blog! Yayyyy! We all know I absolutely love having my own style and I really enjoy sharing pictures of this style with you guys on my social media accounts. As my wardrobe is overflowing with completely random pieces, from Penneys to Charity shops, New Look to DV8, clothes I have "borrowed" from my sisters wardrobe and random pieces my nan gives me that I manage to squeeze into an outfit somewhere, I thought I would do a roundup each month on what I have been wearing, loving or just any general fashion related thoughts I have - This can change month to month depending on where I've been, if I have added to my shoe collection or if I just want to show off my new dressing gown (my current one is Thumper's face on the hood with ears, so it can't get much better than that!)

This monthly segment of my blog will be especially for all of you who are looking for a little fashion inspiration, things to add to your wishlist, or things to make the total of your next Penneys trip 150 euro even though you only ran in for socks! Oh, no need to thank me.

Now, dun dun duuuuun, here is my first ever Foxy Fashion post! For this month I am going to run through a few of my day and night outfits and comment on each of them! Hope you enjoy!

Day Looks

The outfit below was styled around this bodysuit from Penneys. I loved this outfit at the time but looking back now I think there was too much black. I can't wait to wear this bodysuit with a pair of jeans. Loved my hair though, look at them buns! The hair, people, the hair...



In the picture below I am wearing an outfit I absolutely adore! The reason I bought this t-shirt dress in Penneys was because in my head I had a vision about this exact outfit, you know like how people get callings to do things? Welllll, that was my life during that shopping trip - images of this denim jacket and fishnets were floating around in my mind luring me towards the Penneys registers. Also, I'm probably laughing because I managed to do the cute little buns again, orrrr I'm trying to remain calm while my brother braves 74 attempts to take a decent picture!



Another day I then went on to tuck this t-shirt into a pair of jeans for a more casual vibe, teamed with a choker for an edge and a pink pair of runners for a relaxed "Oh, this old outfit I just threw on without planning for three days in advance?" feel!


The picture below is a very casual outfit I wore recently, mostly Penneys! The adorable star print cami is from Penneys and so are the jeans. The kimono is from Boohoo a few years back. The little pointy silver shoes I picked up in Penneys for a euro and this was my first day wearing them. Never buying shoes without trying them on again, I was tip toeing around for the day because I definitely needed a bigger size! I tried to loosen them up with a hairdryer and everything but I'm too afraid to put them back on now to see if it worked. If you ever see me hobbling around the place it's because I have braved the shoes again because they add some spice to my outfit, it will also possibly be my last day on earth because OH THE PAIN.


Night Looks

The black sweetheart midi dress from Boohoo I am wearing below is one of my favourite dresses. So classic and (sometimes) sophisticated (minus possible nip slips!) I wore it back in December so this time I just styled it differently and did my hair in a different way - I opted for straight and sleek! I know I will get so much use out of this dress, I think it is absolutely timeless. However, if you're planning on getting ready alone do not wear it, it's so fitted, getting me in and out of it is an 8 man job, I think we need to start using bloody machinery... sucks everything in though! 


Okay, I honestly loved the outfit below that I wore for a night out, but every time I see it I do think I look like a pirate, I think it's the sleeves? I was surprised how much I loved this outfit because it is fairly simple, but I guess you can't go wrong with black and white. I was also so daring with my hair that night because I rarely wear it up when I'm going out. I think every woman should own at least one plain black bodycon skirt, it is a foundation to build an outfit on. My top is from Penneys, I fell in love with the sleeves! Anybody seen my ship, can't remember where I left it?!


The final outfit I am going to talk about this month is this one that I wore to the Bubbles and Beauty Fundraiser in aid of Ardfinnan N.S. Autism Unit... I really enjoyed this night and it was for a great cause so a huge well done to everybody involved! For this event I wore a pair of black trousers that were a part of a Boohoo co-ord set - So comfy, love them and live in them! I teamed it with a black lace bralet (remember how earlier I mentioned borrowing from my sister? Well, er...) The white shirt, believe it or not, belongs to my nan... that woman sure knows how to slay! I'm just presuming she doesn't want it back?! Oh and I am aware that these white court heels have been in a few of these pictures, they're from Penneys again and I love them. White is so classic and for such a simple colour it can make such a statement!



So there you go, that was my first Foxy Fashion post! I would love to hear your feedback and any questions, please let me know! Which outfit was your favourite? Also if you're struggling to understand how much I love shopping and fashion, here is a picture from a few years back when I dragged my brother into Penneys with me! Is this why no other men stick around? Maybe I have been sabotaging myself this entire time...



Until next month, even though I will have other posts between now and then... Foxy Fashion, over and out!

Thursday, 25 May 2017

Rant Of The Week: The Meaning Of Life

Life and family are the two most precious things ever. Without life there would be no family and without family, life would be so different. When I say family I mean the category without limits - blood relatives, relatives by marriage, your friends, your pets, the people you feel add a little spark to every day by just being present. Even though everyone is aware of how precious life is, we still do not treat it as the rare and fragile jewel that it is.

Today, we are all guilty of prioritising the average things in life. We chase mediocre relationships and the people who do not cherish us. Everyone these days is afraid to live life to the full, they hold back their feelings, remain quiet, fear love and are too proud to welcome forgiveness. I honestly think pride is one of the biggest killers today. Everyone lives by playing mind games and believing if people truly care about you they would know how you feel about them. The reality is, when you're leaving Earth for something greater, will you be worrying about what others think of you? Will you be holding back from letting someone know how you feel about them? Will your ego be the strongest feeling that is shining through? Very few people dance through life because so many of us are stumbling. We all stand on a beach and stare at the horizon, various problems running through our minds and somehow think these problems are important in the grand scheme of things, as if those waves, rocks, shells and fish are going to be so phased by the gathering you weren't invited to, a bill you have yet to pay, the coffee you spilled on your new skirt or the man who broke your heart.

People settle into fake friendships and are willing to accept being left out and walked all over simply because they feel like they don't have anyone else, as if out of the 7 billion people there are only two you can hang out with. None of us want to tell the person we love how much we love them, the ink that shaped and formed romantic poetry and love songs is running and blurred as we forget to speak from our hearts fully incase we are "too clingy" or face rejection.

We let the people we love to pieces slip away, out of our grips without knowing how much we love them because of minor arguments and disagreements we have had along the way. We hold onto grudges much tighter than we hold onto forgiveness and then complain when we get rope burn. We pour all of our appreciation into a like button on a social network and images that will one day be nothing more but memories lost in cyber space. We analyse peoples lives by the way we see it through a screen and try to fix broken relationships that way instead of knocking on their door and enveloping them in a hug.

We feel forced into life paths we don't want and end up unhappy and unmotivated because we let somebody else's journey influence our own even though they won't always be there to brave the journey with us. People roll their eyes at people with different ideas, styles and choices as if life came with a rule book that guides us towards a future that has been set out by another person. People hold back from laughing, dancing and loving because of what other people will think... but who cares what people think? Where is the value in your life if you don't squeeze every drop out of it everyday? We could all leave here tomorrow or in a hundred years time so that uncertainty should be constantly lighting up our spirits.

We are all a simple dot in the universe, a mere blip in the millions of years and millions of people who have come and gone before us and those who will come and go after us, leaving layers of different footprints on lands and hearts while the waves just keep crashing and the wind keeps blowing, free of prejudice and free of hate. However, during your time here you will realise that not everybody has the same heart as you, the world is full of clashing personalities. Many of these personalities are wonderful, influential people, but unfortunately, some people lack sincere, overwhelming love in their hearts, they lack compassion and they often try to make other people's lives lack these things too. Hate and bitterness is contagious, but only if we allow it to be.

Every person you love is a part of you, every soft spot takes up some part of your heart, much more than bitterness ever will. If you love someone, tell them. If you miss someone, tell them. If you love someone but you're angry at them, tell them so you can forgive them. If they don't love you or don't want forgiveness, let it go, your conscience can't be burdened by someone else's pride and bitterness. If you weren't supposed to form relationships or feel things, no one else would be here with you, yet every single day we are passing hundreds of souls that have all been through different things. Everyone is fighting their own battle and it is up to you to be the main warrior in yours.

As my mum always says - We are all just passing through. People will come and people will go, there will be stormy weather out at sea and there will be days when the water is calmer. That is what is important in life, the fact that we all ended up here, above a ground that can sprout flowers and grass from hardly anything, the fact that we are all beneath an ever changing array of colours in the sky with fluffy looking shapes thrown up there too, the fact that out of billions and billions of living, breathing, unique personalities, we have all met at least one person who needs us to complete their picture for the short time they are here.

The most amazing thing of all about life is that even though bright lights twinkle in the sky every night and a huge ball of gas rises every morning to awaken different parts of the world at different times, and the fact that you could end up meeting the other half of your soul out of the blue when the time is right in a coffee shop, or book shop or on a train at the other side of the world, even though all of this happens, and so much more, it is absolutely incredible that people still don't believe anything is possible. Look at your fingers, look at your toes, look at a newborn, look at a shooting star, look at someone you really, really love and then tell me you don't believe in miracles. The fact that we are here at all is a complete miracle, never mind the added extras that bring everything to life. We are clearly here for a reason and with all of the things we have been lent here on Earth, there is no way that any of that reason is negative.

The truth is, fear is so real in society today, but I don't just mean terror. The simple everyday fear is holding us back from creating extraordinary lives out of ordinary lives and making us all think "What if?" instead of "Oh well, we're all just passing through!" The most amazing thing you can do with your life is to live it because we don't know what lies around the corner. Live it so well that you impact every single person you meet in some way, but live it so beautifully humbly that you can also still appreciate your complete and utter insignificance when you stand barefoot on endless grains of sand and stare out at the horizon.


Thursday, 18 May 2017

Rant Of The Week: Yes, I Am Too Much

"Too" is such a damaging word for society today. Each day as we are learning and growing, we are told we are "too" something. Women are growing up thinking certain aspects of their personalities are too overpowering and a negative thing and as I am aware that the majority of my readers are female, I wanted to discuss this issue.

When I googled the definition of "too much" the first thing that popped up was "An intolerable, impossible, or exhausting situation or experience." 

With me, I have heard...

  1. "You're too much." 
  2. "You cry too much." 
  3. "You care too much." 
  4. "You talk too much." 
Aaaaand probably many more. So do all of these things make me intolerable? Impossible? Exhausting? Is this the mark my existence is leaving on the world as a 21-year-old woman? Can too ever really be a negative thing? Isn't 100% always going to be better than 50%?

One time a guy actually told me the way I act is too much. The truth is, he was right. I am too much. Everything I do is too much. My heart doesn't work in halves and I don't want to hand control of this over to someone who doesn't respect this because this passion is absolutely consuming and somebody needs to really want it before they can fully benefit from it. Needless to say, I didn't talk to him after this. I stared at my phone in complete horror before calming down and thanking every saint, ancestor and dead pet for helping me dodge what could have been one of the most confidence damaging bullets of my life. Some things would really make you realise why Beyonce released Irreplaceable - for those people who try to convince you that your personality caused you to make a huge mistake and with relationships these days I really could have another him in a minute and that's the scary thing, wanting the Beast but ending up with another Gaston.

The same guy told me I cry too much, but he can join the club! Men who fear water works would want to stay well away from me because I cry so much it's actually a miracle the government have never tried to charge me. I have always been a sensitive and emotional person, tears are an obvious symbol of many of my strongest emotions and overtime my friends associated me with my famous phrase "Why are my eyes watering?" Anytime a man tells me I cry too much, this would be followed by my mind asking myself my own phrase "Why are my eyes watering?" to express my complete anger and embarrassment for myself. This eye watering can occur in his presence or in the privacy of my bedroom as I'm reading a text but as I'm writing this I don't feel embarrassed by my tear ducts, in fact, I'm glad they're alive and well because I have every right to express how I feel if I'm hurt or moved by something.

Now, when it comes to my motormouth, the funny thing about being told I talk too much is the fact that when I was little I never used to talk, my parents were worried about me for the first few years of my life because I just never said anything, even on videos you just see me skipping past the camera every so often until my mum says "Fe, do you need a wee?" and even at that I just nod and run upstairs. Clearly I have made up for this lack of communication since, and even though I have been told I talk too much, this has led me to the ability of standing up for myself, saying how I feel and speaking out about what I feel is right. I will never let people talk down to me, because how can you silence the girl who talks too much?

These days, passions are seen as flaws. A woman who gives something her all and holds something close to her heart is seen as too much and too vibrant for those around her. People look down on her for feeling or acting the way she does, but isn't it amazing to know she's really living by feeling everything so deeply? Maybe we do care too much, we care too much about what other people think about us. Isn't too much so much better than not enough? People will remember the hurricane, but they won't remember the light breeze.

On a less heavy note, never forget - You can never be too much and you can never eat too much pizza! *See image below* Honestly, have I ever looked more content?



Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Rant Of The Week: Someone Else's Success Is Not Your Failure

Earlier this week I was speaking to a Leaving Cert student. They told me how they felt down about their own ability because a student in their class kept questioning what their goals were for the future and making them feel inferior because the amount of points each of them got in the mocks were so different. Flashback to a few years ago and I was also that student, feeling inferior and a bit lost, staring around at a school full of girls who were feeling the exact same way except some people were better at hiding it than others.

Let's come back to now and I am still feeling lost, like every other person in Ireland my age who can't remember their Leaving Cert properly. Now that I am living in the real world I realise how easy I had it in school and the mid-life crisis doesn't actually hit you until your twenties come at you full force. Now that I have experienced all my friends going off to college near and far, people dropping out of college, people finishing their degree, the struggle to find employment, trying to keep my bank balance above fifteen quid, friendships dropping like flies, magical men who are bloody great at disappearing acts and the realisation that I am now an official adult with no way out of this, that mid-life crisis has hit me, bang splat in the face (which is the only thing that has slightly improved since my teenage years, everything else started going downhill - Boobs, my metabolism and tolerance for people's bullsh*t included!)

Okay, no. I'm being a little bit dramatic, but trust me, when you take off the pinafore forever you will leave that world far behind you. I have met many people in my time who enjoyed staring down their nose at my desire to follow my own path even though it was so different to theirs. You're not in a position to look down on anybody, ever. None of us are. Who are you to put yourself on a pedestal? At what point in school do you think you're hiding diamonds, complete power and the answer to the world's biggest problems in the front of your school bag rather than a half-eaten mouldy ham sandwich and a broken compass like the rest of us? You cannot compare William Shakespeare to Isaac Newton and say one of them was more talented and well off than the other. You cannot measure somebody's ability and future on a scribbled grade at the bottom of a sheet of paper.

When you're young, everything seems like it's the end of the world. Take this from a girl who didn't have a huge group of friends, the girl who was anxious, sensitive and cried about everything, the girl who used to dodge the ball at all costs in PE, the girl who's pinafore never fit right and always hung below her knees, the girl who used to fear her first kiss and never drank wildly on weekends while rumours swirled about all the girls in my year who were supposedly going to random sessions and having nights of passion with random boys from the school down the road... frightening stuff for a girl who's brain was still learning and who's body was still developing. (Side note: The development is hopefully still an ongoing process, I wouldn't mind growing an extra inch or two but for some reason my waist and leg hair have somehow got the memo rather than my height!) Look, my point is, we don't have Cheerleading squads in Ireland, but if we did, trust me, I most definitely would not have been on it.

Now the reality is, I'm still anxious and cry a lot but I stand up for myself too and the person I have grown into and fought damn hard for. Since school has ended my talents have been recognised which means the world to me and puts a little smile on my face before I close my eyes every night. I am now the one drinking wildly on weekends while trying to shake off the popular boys in school who suddenly start to notice you when you start to blossom. The funny thing about this though, the popular boy is no longer appealing because as you are blossoming so are all the boys who went unnoticed for years just like you did. No amount of vodka and blackcurrant can make 21-year-old me believe "popular" is a real term anymore because life isn't set in an American High School and these days, cutting out people is much easier than cutting out carbs. As you grow up you realise that you don't have to blend into the background of a group who don't make you feel good about yourself. Not benefiting my life, my happiness or helping me grow? Cya, bud!


Back to the exam situation... you want to know what isn't a mock? LIFE PEOPLE, THIS IS THE REAL DEAL. You can spend it working your hardest to float your own boat or you can keep floating others, but trust me, if you work on others, yours is going to start sinking pretty quickly. You are you and as cheesy as that sounds, it's the truth. In the wise words of my brother (who probably read this online or something, let's be honest) - Someone else's success is not your failure.

And guess what? Not one person has asked me how many points I got in the Leaving Cert so well done on whatever result you get but if this is the way you plan on valuing yourself or other people from August onwards, you're going to be in for a bit of a shock when you step into the real world and society is ready to view you as an equal and life is ready to set everything on fire! For example, as I am writing this I have looked down and as you can imagine, am bloody DELIGHTED to realise my jeans have split due to my thunder thighs. My favourite jeans may I add. You know, the old reliable casual and dressy skinnies when you plan on wearing jeans and a nice top? Yep, that's life my friends.

So that I don't end this post on a completely negative note, I just wanted to get the point across that what's for you won't pass you. I'm not here to give you study tips because I could do with some of those myself, but I am here to remind you that everyone's journeys are so different and the journey really is the best part, getting where you truly want to be with the people who truly believe in you and want to get there with you. The hype you're going through now is nothing compared to what's ahead of you and when you leave those school gates for good, the time spent there will become fond memories, blurring in time and you will realise that adventure really has been waiting for you and now it's time to start living it.


Add caption
My t-shirt dress is from Penneys!